I love coaching Wildhearts
This is my temperament – strong willed, yet highly sensitive, intuitively gifted, emotionally intense and deeply caring soul. It was also my lived experience growing up in an environment that didn’t fully understand. You could say part of it was nature, and the other part was a trauma response.
Wildhearts are often known as the cycle breakers in families because they feel everything. They are the catalyst for change and they want to break down old, outdated and unhealthy ways of relating. They cause friction and create resistance in the familiar dynamics which makes other family members uncomfortable.
Look at this drawing of my inner child. Did you notice that she isn’t grounded and doesn’t appear to have any solid foundations?
Wildhearts view the world through their hearts, without a strong, consistent emotional connection to rest in, they feel lost and alone.
Perhaps you can relate. You could try drawing your own picture – it’s a beautiful way to express yourself.
When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower!” – Alexander Den Heijer”
I don’t like labels – we’re so much more than that
Labels tend to put us in boxes and those with negative connotations can damage self-esteem. There are so many kids who are being assessed and statemented, but nobody can comment on their emotional environment (it’s not tangible or measurable).
It can only be felt by their hearts.
What if we viewed you through a different lens?
I wonder how many of them are have an appropriate emotional response to living in generations of unprocessed trauma? The world is in chaos right now. Everything about you, which you try to hide or that makes you feel weird, is the magic of who you are. We all have super powers that we can be really proud of.
Signs of a Wonderful Wildheart
Wildhearts can also identify as: 💟 HSPs (I scored 23 in Dr. Elaine Aron’s Test for Highly Sensitive People) 💟 Intuitives or Empaths 💟 INFJ in the Myers Briggs Personality Test 💟 New Earth Children (Indigos, Rainbow or Crystals). 💟 Cycle Breakers (somebody who sees an unhealthy cycle of behavior in their family of origin and intentionally works to break that cycle).
✔ have a strong sense of justice and what is fair.
✔ get very upset if people don’t believe them or let them tell their side of the story.
✔ have a voice and need to learn how to use it. Perhaps it will be an essential part of who they are here to become?
✔ value freedom and won’t be boxed in. Following the crowd is not their way, but they struggle to find their tribe. Hence the wild.
✔ are very sensitive to their environment , they get peopled out and can pick up on other people’s feelings (have high levels of empathy).
✔ are passionate about what they believe is true and protectors of people they love.
✔ will often champion the underdog in their quest for fairness and equality. You’d want them on your team!
✔ are gentle and find the big wide world too harsh – they can get stimulated and affected by loud noise, the news, violent films or anything sad.
✔ need lots of alone time to recharge their batteries. Like scheduled duvet days when they don’t have to leave the house. If PJs were acceptable day wear, that would work for them!
✔ need time to transition from people, places and events. They take time to adjust to their environment because they are so sensitive to it. They hate to be rushed, so leave lots of time for them to feel their way.
✔ will often get lost in their own little world of books or watch their fav TV series on repeat. (Friends is my go to. I love hanging out with them at Central Perk).
✔ hate inauthenticity and will not pretend or cover up. It’s very important they can be their TRUE selves.
✔ have an excellent BS detector and will sniff out the truth at 10 paces. Honesty matters greatly. They would rather know the truth even if it’s ugly. Often, they get into trouble for being a truth teller (lots of people say they want the truth, but can’t handle it really!).
✔ love nature and animals and will often find other children are drawn to them because their energy is big and strong.
✔ are incredibly curious and will think and care deeply. They will ask lots of questions and be life long learners.
✔ have busy brains that work quite quickly and they tend to live in their heads more than in their bodies.
✔ are very creative and have rich inner worlds and amazing imaginations. I have journals full of ideas that often rained down on me when I’m in the shower!
✔ are high energy and busy (sometimes mistaken for having ADD or ADHD). Read this article I found it truly fascinating.
✔ are emotionally intense, often have big meltdowns out of the blue (and seemingly for no apparent reason) but it’s likely they’re full of feelings that have snuck up on them, and need attention. Read this article about the 8 gifts of emotional intensity.
✔ are fiercely loyal as a friend and will love you forever. They are kind and forgiving.
✔ have high tolerance levels which means they can be taken advantage of by less kind-hearted souls but when they are done, they are done.
✔ are more brave than they realise and because they’re so independent (no let me do it!), people often don’t realise how sensitive they are.
“True belonging is when you can share your most authentic self with the world, and find preciousness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to BE who you are.” – Brene Brown.
Our brain is wired for human connection
I understand how hard life is when you feel separate from the crowd, and desperately want to be included. It’s lonely and it sucks. Humans are build to connect with one another and without that connection, the world feels dark.
If this is you, your inner child or your child: Welcome!
You have found a place where somebody gets it. They can be tricky to parent if you don’t know what they need. I believe the key is to have strong boundaries which are set with empathy. That way, you don’t compromise who they are or crush their wild spirit. And definitely no isolation or punishment because that will make them more angry.
What else does a Wildheart need?
People ask how to toughen them up. Or how to tame their spirit. That makes me sad. It’s not about that, it’s about meeting them where they are and knowing how to meet their emotional needs. You can read more about that in the second part of this blog post: What does a Wildheart need?
If you are new to my work, my book, Stuck Between Two Worlds, is a great place to start. Twice a year I run a Wildheart Book Club which is a 6-week healing circle that uses the book to explore the essence of your inner child!
Meet the Wildhearts!
I wrote Stuck Between Two Worlds for misunderstood Wildhearts old and young because if we are not still a child, we all have one inside of us that requires our love and attention. This magical story follows the lives of 10 wonderful Wildhearts who are facing their own life struggle, but what they all have in common is that they feel different in some way – like they don’t belong.
When they journey off to The Wilderness, under the nurturing guidance of Nettie, Queen of the Wildhearts, they find each other, and the fun begins. They learn how to be with their overwhelming anxiety and fiery anger (I learnt these on my healing journey and have translated them into fun and creative activities for children). They see life through a new lens, and over time, they start to realise that life as a wonderful Wildheart isn’t so bad after all!