What Prince Harry’s New Book, Spare Can Teach Us About Dysfunctional Families

I’m currently enjoying Prince Harry’s new book, Spare. It’s an excellent case study of how a dysfunctional family unravels.

The cognitive dissonance is off the charts, and my question to the Meghan and Harry haters is, ‘Why are you so intent on protecting the royal family when there’s plenty of evidence that they’re as dysfunctional AF?’ 

Let’s not forget that Prince Andrew was mates with Jeffrey Epstein, who trafficked underage girls to his island to pleasure his friends. Randy Andy recently paid out £12 million in a SA case to Virginia Giuffre – even though he has no recollection of meeting her! Or what about Prince Charles who was involved with Jimmy Saville? Or Prince Phillip who was allegedly involved in the prostitution of young boys at Elm Guest House. 

Classic dysfunctional family. Let’s brush that under the rug to protect the real problem and find a scapegoat.

Enter Meghan. How dare she isolate Harry from his family!

What if she woke him up and helped him gather up the strength to leave? What if she isn’t rude but an ‘American’ woman. Forthright and self-assured, she doesn’t tolerate abuse.

Enter Harry. The perfect distraction. Already labelled by the media as the Party Prince with a temper, how dare he be so spoiled and say such unkind things about his own family!

What if he wanted to remove his wife and children from the abuse to protect them? What if he was righting wrongs by doing what his father should have done for him?

‘You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.’

He writes warmly about them because he loves them, and he also talked about how their behaviour hurt him. If this is what he feels safe enough to share, I reckon there’s far worse that we don’t know about. 

This is what happens to the scapegoat / truth teller in a dysfunctional family – they are dismissed, minimised and when they can’t be controlled anymore, they are smeared, gas lit and accused of being mentally unstable. 

Worse still, as spectators to this sh1tshow, we’re all being gas lit by the media to mock, shame, belittle and judge a man who was traumatised by the death of his mother at the age of 12.

Is he angry? You bet! Wouldn’t you be if your father married the women who caused so much anguish to your dead mother?

Is he doing it perfectly? No, but fair play to him for being responsible, getting to therapy and making sure he doesn’t pass the pain on to his kids.

Healing is messy, painful, raw and takes so much courage. 

‘Get over it! Move on!’ say the self-righteous wagging fingers who are firing off hate from their toxic keyboards. Ignorant about the impact of early trauma, they also lack empathy and compassion.

If you’re familiar with the roles and dynamics of a dysfunctional family (I talk about them in this blog post), you may feel for Haz as he faces a brutal betrayal by the people who are supposed to protect and love him the most.

Side note: The abuse isn’t just coming from his family, but also the media, who are colluding with the Royal Family and make megabucks from printing lies about Harry to cover up his family’s horrific criminal acts. A media who leads with a blaming, shaming narrative and incites hatred in its readers is truly toxic.

Compassion and empathy won’t sell papers. And yet the media report that Harry is in it for the money. That sounds like projection to me.

What’s the boy supposed to do? Carry on being financially abused (money with unreasonable demands and conditions – keep our secrets or else?!) by his so-called family, or become financially independent and stand on his own two feet? It’s such a bold and courageous step. Not many people would have the balls to do it. It scares them, and that’s why they lash out at him. 

Anybody who has tried to break away from a dysfunctional family knows that they will, for a time, be further abused. The family operates in a cult-like fashion with ‘well-meaning’ friends, the wider community and so called self-help ‘experts’ all ready to fire the gun of shame at you. ‘

‘He’s such a pathetic man-child He’s playing the victim card! He’s throwing his family under the bus! He’s such an ungrateful, privileged, selfish, unkind…..’ insert the most effective insult for putting their target back in his place.

In case anybody is in any doubt, in a parent-child dynamic, the responsibility is with the parent but often that parent is not an adult and it’s on the child to make good. It’s unbelievable that society demands this at the expense of Harry’s mental health, and the safety of his children. 

Speaking from experience, going no contact with a dysfunctional family takes decades. It’s not done impulsively. It doesn’t happen in isolation or overnight. It’s not one single disagreement. It’s years and years of bullying and trying to reason with the unreasonable.

Dealing with people in denial is like smashing your head against a brick wall. 

Besides, a child would never want to be separated from their parent. Quite the opposite. They want a parent to love them, protect them and stand up for them. Children will blame themselves and internalise abuse to keep themselves safe. They have no other choice and the impacts are devastating.

I’m cheering Harry on because his story represents all our lost inner children who have been abused by family and shamed into silence. He is our voice and I’m so grateful he is bringing awareness to the deeply painful and heartbreaking impact of unresolved generational trauma.

…>>read 4 reasons why Parent/Child Reconciliation is often impossible