Don’t worry! You are not alone.
- Today, a Mum contacted me about an embarrassing school run meltdown with her youngest child
- Last week, a Mum contacted me and asked for reassurance that her daughter wouldn’t be used as a testimonial on my website (only clients who volunteer and put their agreement in writing are used)
- Last month, a Mum asked me to remove her daughter’s artwork from my page
We all live in the real world, don’t we?
The one where children cry in public. They are not robots and are still learning to express themselves. If you want well-behaved children, without food stains on their clothes, freshly washed hair and beaming smiles, you are going to struggle. Don’t you have days where you are dry shampooed and wearing a shirt with only the ironed bits showing? Of course you do.
The worry of what other people think
I often see families fearing other people’s judgement. My response……..who cares? Here are a few helpful pointers to keep that fear at bay:-
- You can’t be all things to your child and to believe that is the case is total and utter madness. Not to mention that it puts a huge pressure on you to be anything other than perfect
- From one perfectionist to another, nothing is perfect
- Let your children be human and be realistic with your expectations
- Be kind to yourself when things aren’t going according to plan. The kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you will be to your children
- Every day is a school day and nobody knows everything. Your kids could teach you a lot about yourself if you let them.
- Life is one exciting journey of discovery, challenges and lessons. That amongst the madness there is meaning. From meaning comes understanding. From understanding comes awareness. Awareness is the first step to change. There is no shame in that.
- What if when you are worrying about what other people are thinking about you, they are actually too busy worrying about what you are thinking about them? Read that again and remember it!
- If we spend our whole lives worrying about what other people think of us, then we are doomed. We are prisoners of their opinion and we are unable to live life as we truly want to.
- When you judge, you’re not only seeing the world through your life lens, you’re making something good or bad. The world is full of shades of grey!
- The only person judging you harshly is YOU! We are our own worst critics
- People are going to think what they want to think anyway and there is nothing you can do about that.
- All the time we are fixated on giving our power away to other people and expecting them to behave differently, we are wasting our energy.
“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” – Ethel Barrett
The Show Must Go On
It’s all for show when you clean the house before the cleaner arrives or you posts pictures of the ‘never been happier family’ all over Facebook to convince yourself that is the case. I’ve done it. It’s a lovely place denial, but it keeps us stuck and stops us from growing
In fact, I see this a lot on Facebook.This is the ideal platform for the show must go on. I don’t ever read status updates that say ‘I’m finding this Mum stuff really hard, can anybody help?’
I can really relate to this type of behaviour. All hell could be breaking loose inside our house, but every day we open the front door, it’s business as usual and out trots this picture-book family all smiley and perfectly formed. Gosh it’s exhausting just typing about it. Sadly, this is quite common. The fear of being judged blocks us from being real.
When you make yourself vulnerable you make it OK for others
I use Facebook a lot for my business. When I write about what happens in sessions, I keep stories anonymous. It is my job to safeguard and help children to be smiley from the inside out. I naturally want to protect them when necessary but I also want them to be proud of their coaching achievements. There is nothing wrong with emotional intelligence, self-awareness and wanting to improve your life. In fact the ones that don’t want it need it more than most!
In my posts, I may change ages or sexes of children or mix up the content of two sessions to demonstrate the magic that happens in my coaching room (unless of course, the child is happy to share). Children who enjoy coaching and are proud to be enhancing their world are only to happy to share. They know that their courage is inspiring and helping other children. Look at this wonderful poem written by one of my clients who is lacks self-belief when it comes to her spellings.
Balance + Keep it Real = Happiness!
So, right now, think about where you would be without a really complicated difficult life where you are pretending to be something you are not?
Where would you be without these unachievable unrealistic goals that make you feel inadequate? You know the one: “I am going to be a size eight, gliding effortlessly to the school gates without a peep from my immaculate super smart children!” Paaaaaa who are you kidding?
You would be happier I think. Life would be less stressful. It would be lighter to just be who you really are and to hell with what other people think. Just find balance. Balance and keeping it real is my quest for happiness.
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and sometimes it can help to speak to somebody who understands. This is why I’ve launched the Pick My Brains Parent Coaching Call. If you would like some non-judgemental, kind, gentle support or guidance, this is where you will find it.