Do you want your Wildheart to grow up happy?
Do you want your Wildheart to have an exceptional life?
Of course, you do! Most parents want to give their child more than they had and that is their measurement of success.
I’m not sure this is true. I think it’s more about adapting your parenting style and working out what your child’s unique and individual needs are.
Are you like me and want more from life?
Do you challenge the status quo and think outside the box?
We’re in the minority so it seems. If you are in the 2% club (look at the drawing above) and you are the parent of a Wildheart, then perhaps you worry that their sensitivity holds them back and stops them from reaching their full potential?
Do you worry that if you push them too far, they will break? Do you make allowances for them because you have labelled them as sensitive and maybe ‘not as able as other children’ ?
A Mum actually said that to me once: ‘Have I broken him?!’
It can feel like that but NO! Let’s take a moment to feel grateful and proud that we’re still here after all the failed attempts, embarrassing hiccups, false starts and disappointments.
Who would we be without those?
Failure shapes us.
It makes us who we are.
Mistakes are how we learn!
I used to worry that my strong emotions, my resistance to conform (my parents would say ‘defiant‘) meant we’d often end up in power struggles where I was the bad child. I wasn’t aware that I was a highly sensitive soul and that my super spidey senses and excess of empathy picked up all the vibes in my family.
I was easily overwhelmed by loud noises and crowds. I had no idea why, and if somebody could have explained to me what was really going on, then I wouldn’t have grown up with a strong belief ‘There must be something wrong with me!’
What was wrong with me?
Nothing. I didn’t understand my temperament. Growing up in a family where feelings were inconvenient and at times a punishable offence, it was rare I had that deep connection I craved. It left me feeling lonely and misunderstood. Nobody taught me how to manage my thoughts and feelings. I had to learn that in therapy – it’s a lot harder to learn for a grown-up, than it is for a developing brain. And a lot more expensive!
Nobody taught me how
This stuff isn’t taught and it’s why I teach it and why I created the podcast.
- I didn’t know how to bounce back from challenges or disappointments or changed plans.
- I would give up easily if I couldn’t be outstanding straight away.
- I was terrified I would make a mistake.
- I mercilessly compared myself to other kids.
- I thought only my Mum could make my feelings better and of course, that became a problem when she wasn’t around.
The evidence was mounting that I couldn’t do tricky things for myself and I started to believe ‘There must be something wrong with me!’
All new tasks and situations are hard to start off with. Nobody explained this and what I thought was negative, obstructive, bad and disagreeable was actually all my strengths and gifts. Ones that I would end up using to help others.
I wasted my life.
I thought this was it.
I couldn’t do it.
I stayed in my comfort zone until my 30s. I was the queen of self-sabotage, I failed my A-Levels and didn’t make it to Uni. I truly believed I wasn’t capable. My self-esteem was on the floor.
The fear of failure was peaking. I hadn’t learned to sit with my uncomfortable feelings. I carried so much shame, disappointment, guilt and inadequacy. None of it was mine. I heaped it upon myself because of my false belief ‘There must be something wrong with me!’
I would have rather stayed small and safe in my comfort zone instead of risk making a fool of myself or getting it wrong. I already felt terrible. I didn’t want any more reminders that ‘There must be something wrong with me!’
This is what I learnt
This is what I can teach you
Believe me when I tell you that it takes courage when life becomes challenging and sends you lemons. You may even lose the recipe to making lemonade, but you must NOT be afraid to be a messy human.
You must summon up courage in spite of the icky feelings that mistakes and failure bring. You must stop trying to be perfect and worrying about what everybody else thinks.
You must trust yourself. I’ve since discovered in therapy, you can only feel your way to trusting. You can’t feel if your body is flooded with feelings that overwhelm and sometimes panic you. You are actually scared of your feelings most of the time.
You cannot let those things keep you small. If you’re really smart (and I’m sure you are) you use them to learn, change and to grow.
Resilient children are happy children
The latest episode of Truly Madly Smiley tells you why kids who feel secure and confident enough to venture out of the warm, snug comfort zone are more likely to succeed in life.
Are you making it too comfy in there for them so they never leave? Overparenting creates learned helplessness and makes it harder for your child to function without you. It also leaves them with that limiting belief ‘There must be something wrong with me!’
So don’t give them all the things you never had, learn exactly what it is they need and start there.
I can help you with that! If your Wildheart can manage their mindset (thoughts, beliefs and perceptions) and their feelings, then they will live an exceptional life. One that is rich in experience, love, meaning and fun.
I know you want that for them and I do too. I can teach you how…one episode at a time!
Join me for the NEW Comfort Zone Series
The Comfort Zone series will be 10 Courage Chats – 10-15 minute pep talks to help you and your child navigate the choppy waters of change.
From Scared to Smiley in 10 Simple Steps
At the end of each chat you’ll be ONE step closer to facing your fears and moving out of your comfort zone. This way sustained growth is incremental and NOT scary at all.
COURAGE CHAT #1
Getting Tricky With It – – let’s talk about all things tricky. Whether that’s making it through Corona Craziness, doing hard homework, sitting a test, public speaking, staying away from home for the first time, joining a new club, learning a new sport, speaking up in class…whatever it is that feels tricky to you (and we all have tricky things).
COURAGE CHAT #2
Getting Ready for Trickiness – – you’re going to find out if you’re really ready to get tricky and feel prepared to face anything that comes your way.
COURAGE CHAT #3
You’ve Got What it Takes – – you’re going to discover if you’ve got what it takes to do tricky things (I already know you have!).
COURAGE CHAT #4
Get Out of My Way – – you’re going to discover exactly what is stopping you and holding you back.
COURAGE CHAT #5
The Sweet Spell of Success – – you’re going to learn Smiley’s magic formula for success – it’s not tricky at all…not when you know how.
COURAGE CHAT #6
Hello Helpers – – you’re going to realise that help is all around if you know where to look for it.
COURAGE CHAT #7
Calling in Your Helpers – – you’re going to work out which helpers can make you feel better when you have a wobble, so you can keep moving forward.
COURAGE CHAT #8
Your Courage Plan – – we’re going to put it all together and use the new things we’ve learnt to move beyond trickiness.
COURAGE CHAT #9
Keeping Yourself Safe – – we’re going to meet my friend Holly-Ann who is going to teach us about body boundaries.
COURAGE CHAT #10
Your Courage Questions – – Why can’t I do it? Why isn’t it working? Is there something wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I’m going to answer all your questions because whenever life gets tricky, your brain fires up with questions. And I love to help with that. In fact, because I’ve been learning how to do tricky things for over 10 years, I have the answers.
Wildhearts experience life through their hearts
They will fail to thrive if they don’t grow up in an emotionally intelligent world
A Wildheart is a strong willed sensitive child. A Wildheart’s love language is emotion and if they don’t understand their emotions, are cut off from them or don’t have people around them who they have that connection with, well you can read about how it will impact them later on in life.
Give your wonderful Wildheart a wonderful life!
Click here to get out of your comfort zone today! You’ll be so glad you did. And so will your kids!