Real MAGIC has been happening for me this week. Let me tell you about Moe’s collar tag that went missing last week. I noticed when he was drinking from his water bowl, I couldn’t hear its familiar jangle. So, just like I did in Episode 3 (The One with the Missing Gloves), I asked the angels for help. I said out loud ‘Please find Moe’s collar tag and return it to us!’
Today, when we got back from our walk, guess what was hanging on the gate lantern glistening in the morning sun?
There is real power in asking for help!
I struggle but am getting better. Growing up as the eldest, I’m super independent and don’t trust others enough to let them in (this is not a badge of honour, but a trauma response from childhood).
The empowered child can …
Bravely ask for what they want, but first has to know what it is they actually do want. This knowing comes from being connected to their feelings. When they understand this, they have the capacity to give more and help others in need. They are empowered.
Note: it’s about feeling entitled to ask, but not entitled to get.
The anxious child will not …
Know how to speak up and ask for what they want. This feels ‘needy‘ as they whine or feel like they’re manipulating because they can’t directly ask for what they want.
A child who has repeatedly asked for what they want and is ignored or neglected will eventually give up and feel like their needs don’t matter.
People avoid having hard conversations and think ignoring makes the problem go away – it doesn’t!
The obedient (good) child will …
Respond to every question with ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t mind’ as they’re rarely asked, but always told what to do. How painfully sad that they’re rewarded for being ‘good children’ because they have no needs at all.
Bring your attention back inside!
Many of us (women in particular) feel ashamed for having needs. It’s selfish to not consider others first. Some of us don’t even know what we need in the first place because our attention is constantly focused outside of us. We’re making sure we take care of everybody else’s needs first.
When do we go within and listen to what we want and need?
We don’t. Think of all the demands and need for attention that we are all faced with on a daily basis.
If we are not going inside and listening to our feelings, we will not know what we desire, long for and need.
How can we teach this to children?
Truly Madly Smiley is full of episodes on listening to, allowing and being with feelings. It’s a practice.
Each episode, I begin by checking in with the children. I ask them to put their hands on their heart and notice how they feel. It’s a practice that becomes a habit.
In order to ask, children have to be comfortable hearing the word no which means we have to be assertive in saying no. (translated into feelings, we have to lean into our own and their discomfort of disappointment, frustration and sadness).
We also have to be comfortable asking for what we want and knowing that it’s legitimate to have wants, dreams, needs and desires. We can give ourselves permission and role model it to them.
What about you? What happened to your needs, desires and dreams?
I’d like to invite you to work with me so we can rediscover what it is that you really want from life and how to go out there and get it.