‘Smiley Coaching is only for problem children!’

*picks up jaw off the floor and sighs* These are the people that need to read this the most.

Yep. I actually heard somebody say this the other day. It was followed up with ‘We don’t need it. You know, we are not perfect, but we definitely don’t need that. We are happy’ (who are you trying to convince?) Or I hear:

‘I saw what you posted on Facebook the other day and I said to my husband: ‘Well at least we are not that bad!’

What does ‘that bad’ mean exactly? How bad does it have to be? Or this:

‘Everybody worries / shouts / got smacked as a child / life isn’t perfect’

*insert appropriate justification which makes you feel better about why you feel the way you do.*

  1. The first one is denial or maybe wilful ignorance. Do they know what Smiley Coaching is? Possibly not.
  2. The second one is minimising. Like when somebody dies and somebody says ‘Well at least they had 90 years on this planet.’ No they are dead and it sucks. Thanks for that.
  3. The third one is making it universal. We convince ourselves it’s happening to everybody or we tell ourselves nobody had a happy childhood so you know, let’s just get on with it. Using ‘all or nothing thinking’ is unhealthy and rigid. It holds us back.

I call these people Surface Skaters

These are safety mechanisms which we use to convince ourselves that we are OK just as we are. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t rock the boat. Keep on being busy and it might go away or right itself. I was one once, a Surface Skater, so I know the drill. You can tell if you read some of my earlier blog posts – they don’t go deep.

Everything’s fine.

I’m fine. You’re fine.

We are all fine.

Let’s just talk about other people’s problems and lives. Let’s talk about the traffic. The weather. The football scores or what’s for tea. Oooh yes, let’s have a cup of tea and talk about nice safe subjects that don’t involve true emotional connection. That’s way too scary and vulnerable and risky and…well, real!

And you know: you are OK and fine just as you are. You are more than OK.

You probably are a total and utter Super Hero on a daily basis. I believe you. I know you have a nice life and that you love it. I accept you just as you are. Although I challenge you to look a little closer. That is my job and I’m really good at shaking things up so they land in a better place for you and for your kids. I believe everybody deserves the best and deserves to get the most out of their life. You don’t get that if you are a Surface Skater. You can’t have both.

Image result for what's the difference between coaching and counselling

Let’s start with this one Let’s get this straight. Each one – coaching and therapy has its place and you can read more about that here.

I’m not a Classic Life Coach because I specialise in emotions

That’s what makes Smiley Coaching unique I guess. I know from my childhood how important it is to be seen and heard. In my 12 years of therapy, I’ve found this kind of support to be priceless. Well no actually – it cost me about £20,000 but you can’t put a price on your happiness or mental health can you?

I also go for monthly Supervision after every 5 hours of coaching I do. This work is intense (yeah I know Unicorns and Rainbows and colouring in looks like fun) and it’s so important that I practice good self care and take care of my mental health. What use would I be to my clients if i didn’t do that? It’s the same for you lovely reader as a Mummy which is why I keep asking you  ‘How is your self care?’

I have been on the self development train for a long time and I totally value my therapist’s input into my life. She is my safe space to share, she is my secure attachment, she validates me and she understands me. That stuff is like gold dust to me. Priceless.

You can read more about how internalising your new learnings takes time – your heart needs to catch up with your head and how to make sure that happens in my recent blog post Are You Breaking Up with Me? .

If you broke your arm or leg, you’d have it put in plaster

What if your brain is a bit tired or is thinking things which are making it sad? What if your feelings are out of control, then you go and see a Counsellor to talk about them. I don’t understand in this day and age why that is still seen as ‘mental’ and ‘crazy’ or is judged as being ‘wrong’ somehow. I would imagine that’s the group of people who again need it most.

So what exactly happens at a Smiley Coaching session?

There is so much good stuff that I’ve had to write quite a few different blog posts, so you might want to pour yourself a cuppa and have a read of that.

If reading this you definitely don’t want to work with me

That’s Ok. It might not be your time or I might not be the Coach for you. If I don’t think I am, I will always sign post families where I think they can get the best help.

If reading this you are still not sure

Then maybe you want to read this blog post Are You Ready for Smiley Coaching? i

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