It’s truly shocking that we are living in fear.
I mean it. We really are.
More and more I am seeing children who are traumatised by what they see on the news or what they hear is going on in the world. I’m not for one second we should wrap them up in cotton wool.
What do you think has made life more fearful? What in your day to day life makes your heart stop or your mind race?
In my coaching room, the top 3 worries that those gorgeous children bring to me are:
- Where are we having unrealistic expectations of children?
- When did this monumental pressure of school grades get so ridiculous?
- How are we role modelling making mistakes at home and in the classroom?
- How are we helping them repair or mop up when things go wrong?
- Are we punishing them for being human (for having feelings or being forgetful)?
- And basically, when did we all turn into such a big bunch of Judgey McJudgersons?
Answers on a postcard please!
I have to admit I have moments of utter Judgey McDickery (sorry for the language but I don’t particularly like these moments…and when I’m not at work I swear…a lot and if you want to judge me for that…I won’t stop you!) and then I remind myself of the empathy card. I think if I were that person and I assume that they are doing the best they can do in that situation, how would it feel to them right now?
It helps me muster up as much kindness and compassion when it’s most required. Yes that is what we need more of that everywhere. Don’t we? So, can you do that for your child?
Can you play the empathy card?
Can you find compassion that all of their behaviour is a call for connection or a way to communicate to you how they are feeling. Attention seekers, are really attention seeking because they feel like you can’t see them or they feel misunderstood. Angry children are quite rightly frustrated at something which feels unfair or they didn’t want to happen.
How are your emotional detective skills?
If we can’t make the world more certain and we can’t protect our children from the world. We really can’t. What can we do?
Well we can give them the tools to find their own way and keep them safe. We can show them how to be themselves in a world where others are creating drama and fear. We can show them how they have choices to do things differently.
Some Smiley Helpful Tips for Worriers
- Don’t watch the news (I haven’t watched it for years because I don’t want that negativity in my life and I’m sensitive to it)
- Spend time with people who make you feel good and doing things you love
- Train your brain to think differently and more positively using my Smiley Thought Cards
- Learn how to use your breathing to calm your body. I recommend an app like Calm.com every night before bedtime
- Have a good bedtime routine which gives you enough time to wind down from the day and helps you help your body get a good night’s sleep
- Recognise that you cannot be brave until you are scared and some things in life will scare you. We are all scared of something and that’s Ok. Accept it and work towards over coming and facing those fears
- Educate yourself about how your brain works and how you can help it. You may want to check out my Smiley Reading Resources
- Think about what you are in control of and work with that. You can’t control other people’s opinions of you. Does it help to know that opinions aren’t facts?
- Treat yourself with kindness as you would a worried friend. Show yourself compassion on days where the worries are big.
- Don’t push the worries away or hold them in. Talk to somebody, draw them or write them down. This will shrink them.
- Don’t judge the worries or make yourself wrong or bad. They are thoughts. They are not facts and they are not real. They cannot hurt you.
- Make a promise to yourself that you will be stronger than your worries when you can and you will try every day to help your brain think happy thoughts.