So if you would like to take that pressure off yourself and learn to do it differently, continue reading this blog and see how big the rewards are when you make that choice to let go!
You aren’t meant to know it all!
I’ve written before about how there is too much pressure on parents to wear so many hats, so I’m not surprised lots of you feel overwhelmed, inadequate and well quite frankly afraid. It’s scary to have to live up to this ‘all knowing’ Mum Goddess because parenting is about learning on the job. This means getting comfortable with the uncomfortable and getting in wrong. Often.
So if you could open your mind up to learning new things and seeing it as an opportunity to grow as a person (your child will literally break you open at times), then this will help you. I made a lot of mistakes when I first started coaching children but they have been some of my biggest teachers.
In my online learning pack ‘How to Trust Yourself to Be An Amazing Parent!’ I tackle this very sensitive issue so that I can help Mums like you design a pick-and-mix parenting tool kit which you can mould to fit yours and your child’s unique relationship. You can play to your strengths and break it down so it doesn’t feel like you have to be some almighty Parenting Goddess. You can click here to get your hands on it.
Or you can be like Michelle …
Yes Meet Michelle! Her son came to coaching 18 months ago and we’ve been on a bit of a journey together. We started off with some 121 coaching and Smiley Thought Cards, then backed that up with one of my creative coaching workshops and finally some online fun (which you can find over in the Online Learning Den).
Michelle told me: ‘I didn’t know where to begin. I just knew he was hurting, he was scared, and that hit me like nothing had before and I had to find a way to help him. I’ve learnt so much in that time and he has definitely moved on. It’s having the courage to hand them over, to know they will work it out themselves, when every part of you wants to take the quick fix.’
Every family is different – so coaching can be tweaked to fit your family’s individual needs. Coaching has made a massive difference to Michelle and her family which she tells you about in the video below.
“I have absolute trust in Lisa Parkes!”
You see, I can tell you all how safe your child is with me and how coaching works but to hear it first hand from one of my lovely clients makes it real. Most families who come to coaching end up saying they wish they had committed to it sooner. So if you are sitting on the fence and you want to get to know me better, you can either:
👉 Book a Meet Smiley Session where you will get 50 minutes of 121 time with me, a box of Smiley Thought Cards and an email feeding back my observations and next steps (this does not break the child’s confidence). A BIG thank you to Michelle for taking the time and having the courage to share her Smiley experience.
If you can’t be like Michelle, are you like this Mum?
Recently, I was talking to a Mum about a challenge she was having with her teenage daughter. This Mum was particularly upset because her daughter was talking to somebody else about her troubles and not her. Wow! I could feel her hurt but I also then wanted my friend to see that it wasn’t wrong, or she wasn’t wrong because this was happening.
I wanted this Mum to know it wasn’t about her at all. It was about her daughter and what her daughter needed. As we talked more and more I could see how hurt this Mum was but how she was also being incredibly tough on herself. So let’s look at those myths which keep you clinging on to your child and both of you stuck.
Believing that it always has to be you means that:
- Your job as a Mum is super hard because unrealistically, you have to be all things to them and that isn’t real. Think of your other relationships: you are not all things to your friend, your husband, your sibling…you can’t be. You can only be you.
- If your child cannot talk to you or you are not around (it’s OK you have your own life and are allowed to), do you want them to be stuck thinking you are the only person that can help them? No of course you don’t! You want your child to have choices and be an independent thinker.
- You are putting massive pressure on them and on you. Just because they don’t come to you doesn’t mean that you are not good enough or are doing it wrong. Those ‘not good enough’ buttons weren’t installed by you child and you may want to explore those further.
- You are robbing yourself of the opportunity to enjoy your life by thinking that you have to be available at all times to your child. Sometimes that’s not possible. I wonder if you had a parent that let you down, abandoned you or wasn’t available to you when you were growing up. So now you have swung too far the other way (not intentionally of course). You might find this book a source of comfort or any of the other books which talk about healing your inner child in my Smiley Reading + Resources library.
It takes a village to raise a child
Have you heard of that expression before? It’s true. Children have and need lots of different positive role models in their lives. Think back to when you were growing up. Think of all the kind, smart, giving, open, educated, loving people you met who influenced you in a positive way. I’m sure there were lots of negative ones too 😉 but there are gifts to be had with those experiences as well.
You don’t have to struggle on alone!
It’s only as hard as you want it to be. You deserve an easy life. So do your kids. Check out my online learning pack ‘Be the Mum You Want to Be!’ which is a quick, easy way to take the pressure off yourself and make life easier.
Or you can come hang out with your kids in The Energy Pod where you can get to know me a little better. I will support you and help you to feel more confident about your role as a Mum.