I’ve just finished reading a fab book called ‘LifeSaver‘ about a girl called Anna who begins to weave a double life. It starts off with the odd lie here and there. Then once she’s begins, everything snowballs and gets out of hand. In places I almost understood why Anna wasn’t able to tell the truth – she had too much to lose.
What makes people lie?
Like Anna, people have something to lose or they lie to protect themselves. Here are some reasons why I think people lie:
- To protect themselves from mental or physical harm
- To prevent an argument
- To prevent punishment
- To cover up their mistakes and insecurities
- To get others to like them
- To save face
- To make somebody else feel better
It has to be said that I’m not a big fan of dishonesty
I have a sixth sense that can detect porkie pies at 10 paces. In fact, even though some people would say I’m over sensitive to criticism (I would be as a perfectionist), I would rather know the truth than be lied to. Lies have hurt me a lot in the past. Lies break trust and for me, without trust, relationships are worth nothing. When I say lies, I’m not talking about the little white lies of ‘You look well or ‘I only ate one mince pie’ or ‘The cat knocked it over!’ I’m talking about big black lies. The whopping great big ‘uns that have hurt me more than the simple truth.
The truth will always come out
My mum says quite frequently ‘Liars always get found out.’ You cannot harbour a lie and expect people not to investigate. Especially if you are a born detective like moi! In the end, liars trip up and forget what they have told, when and to whom. Their stories don’t add up. They lack detail. They lack authenticity. The liar and the stories.
Where are the boundaries of honesty?
Apparently in this day and age, they are quite tricky to define. A recent study claims that most people have stolen stationery from work or kept quiet when given too much change, while some people see nothing wrong in making a car insurance claim for pre-existing damage. I can’t possibly comment on which one of the above I’ve lied about in case you think badly of me 🙂
What about people who lie to themselves?
These people will obviously lie to you as they cannot be honest with themselves. You know the type; blame other people, get annoyed and angry when you confront them. They have a knack of twisting everything back on you so they don’t have to go there. That horrible place where they don’t want to face the truth. It hurts them too much. So they’d rather hurt you. Sometimes, they even create a row with you as an avoidance tactic. This is commonly known as denial (sorry can’t resist the gag: this is not a river in Egypt). Seriously though, this is what they do and it’s exhausting and confusing to be around them. They drain you of your energy and make you doubt yourself at times.
Sweeping it all under the carpet, won’t make it go away
I joke about this with my friends when we experience people who are what we call ‘living under rugs’. These people have have a whole heap of undealt with stuff hidden under their rugs. In fact, even when these people’s rugs get so cluttered with stuff, they still choose to do nothing about it. Instead, they just skip off to the nearest Carpet Right and buy a new rug to add to their collection. I’d hate to live under a rug. It’s dark and lonely. I’d also imagine it’s quite painful….itchy even!
The truth will set you free!
The job that gets you up at stupid o’clock for you to spend 8 hours a day or more doing something you hate and that doesn’t fulfil you. The relationship that is unhealthy for you. The one that’s zapping you of all your energy and hurting you. It’s probably not fulfilling your needs and eating away at your self esteem but you’d rather be in it, than be alone. That big decision that you’ve been putting off. Telling yourself that it isn’t such a big deal anyway. That cigarette you just smoked convinced that it was relieving you of your stress, when actually you know it is affecting your health. It’s rugtastic behaviour. I do it, you do it. We all do it.
Take a long hard look in the mirror and tell yourself that today is the day you are going to make a decision to be honest about your life and set yourself free.
Stop, step back and ask yourself if honesty is always your best policy?
When it comes to other people, there’s not a lot you can do about them. When it comes you, you have a choice every time whether you face up to your truth or whether you want to keep it hidden under a rug. You decide.
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