“Before we’re 8 years old, we have almost no capacity to filter out information that comes to us. So if parents or teachers, people we count on to nurture us, say something hurtful to us before the age of eight… it goes in quite deep and we carry those misbeliefs with us. They profoundly affect our relationship to ourselves, to others… our sense of value in the world.”
Dr. David Simon
I am currently getting an influx of Mummies who are asking me about coaching for under 7s.
Well yes, this is what small people do and they do it often. Especially when they want to tell you something. This is sometimes the only way they can communicate. Try not to take it personally. Look beneath the behaviour for their message.
Remember this: Children are hard wired to struggle (it’s in our genes that we can struggle so we learn and grow!). It’s what helps them to become more emotionally resilient.
What is your child’s behaviour triggering in you?
There is something you can do about that and your feelings are probably helping you to understand yourself too. Every challenging situation in your relationship with your child – or with anybody for that matter, is an opportunity for you to become more self aware and grow! Awesome.
This meme which decodes behaviour may also give you some insight.
It comes from Dr Laura Markham’s website Aha Parenting. She is my Go-To-Gal with anything child related. She knows her stuff and is a huge fan on connection parenting. This allows you to parent through the relationship. We now see that punishment and reward methods raise obedient children.
“Obedient children do as they are told. They are not coming from a place of integrity that says I’m doing this because I want to do the right thing. The right thing for me!”
As most of you know, I coach children aged 7 upwards and there are 4 very good reasons for this:
- My coaching techniques are fun and creative, however they are not suitable for little ones.
- At that age, I still think parents and other influential adult figures can still massively shape a child (self esteem is formed around 8). It’s nurture not nature.
- I don’t want little people to have to worry about that sort of stuff.
- Children are constantly changing (like the weather!) so allow them their developmental phases and watch your reaction to it. It’s the fear in you that will be wanting to ‘control’ any out of character behaviour. Fear is the opposite to love.
To help those Mummies, I have devised a little check list for you to run through (some of these might be obvious, but definitely worth exploring).
Here is your Mummy Checklist:
- Are you suitably connected to your child? If you want to work on your connection, check out my ebook ‘Rediscover the Magic of Parenting in a Busy World.’
- Is your child getting enough sleep?
- Is your child eating the right types of foods?
- Is your child being overstimulated (are your rushing around)?
- Are your expectations of your child realistic?
- Are you all getting outside enough (screen time)?
- Are you being consistent and setting empathetic boundaries?
- Are you really listening to your child? Listening to talk is no the same as hearing and understanding your child.
- Are you validating your child’s thoughts and feelings?
- Are you prone to worrying or worrying about what other people think?
- Are you happy? Your child feeds off your energy and you can mirror each other
- Are you taking care of yourself?
- Are you role modeling the behaviour you would like to see?
- Are you comparing yourself to other parents, only to fall short?
- Are you going through change as a family? I have a fun and super lovely family pack ‘You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile!’ which will help with this.
- Have you or are you experiencing trauma as a family?
- Does your child have separation anxiety and get fearful when you’re not around?
Are you too close to see the wood for the trees?
This is where I can help! You can book an SOS call with me where I can help you to help them or you can visit the Online Learning Den where there are all sorts of step-by-step practical learning packs to help you. Knowledge is power.
I personally don’t believe there isn’t anything you can’t do. Your Mummy intuition knows all the answers. Trust it! The fact that you want to be a great Mum, makes you one. It’s your loving intention that matters most.
Can you trust yourself to be a confident parent? Trust involves letting go and allowing your child to find their own way with your loving support.
What’s holding you back?