This was originally an epic Facebook post which first reached over 10,000 people and I thought it was too good not to make a permanent feature on my blog as a reminder of the importance of really and truly listening.
Strong-willed sensitive children need a voice and they need to know that you see them for who they are
This means they need you to really and truly listen with love. This is actually the name of my new mini training over in the Online Learning Den. When you listen with love, you help your child in more ways than you can ever imagine.
Why do you think children love my undivided attention and super Smiley listening powers for 50 minutes? It’s transformational and it’s something you can learn how to do too. It will also mean that your child is more likely to come to you with their big stuff when they are older because you are their safe non-judgemental space: the person who really really gets it! We all need somebody like that don’t we?
I’ve got some things I want you to know.
I don’t know how to tell you because I think you will be disappointed / mad / upset / feel bad.
What really helps me is when you just listen and don’t judge a thing. Don’t get scared or worried. Don’t cry. Oh no please don’t cry, I hate to see you cry.
I don’t need you to do anything. Just listen.
I know you are tired anyway. You are always so busy. So I am not another thing on your to do list. I want to borrow your listening ears and for you to hold me in your bestest cuddle.
I don’t want you to tell anybody (sometimes not even Daddy) and especially not your friends. I want it to be between us.
When I’ve done something bad or I’m lost. Or I’ve let myself down or made a mistake, I already feel bad. I want to tell you and for you to hug me and help me work out how I can put it right.
I don’t need you to shout or take the ipad away or send me away to my room to work it out. That makes me feel more angry and confused.
I don’t want you to tell me what to do or make it right.
I want you to remember how it feels to be small again.
I need you to do that for me Mummy because if I can’t tell you, then who can I tell?
You are my safe space. My understanding. You are the mirror that reflects back to me who I am. So how you see me and what you tell me I am is sooo important.
Just listen Mummy. Smile. Stay close. Nod and listen.
When I know that you love me and accept me as I am, it really helps. When you get it, it makes my feelings go away so much quicker.
Thank you Mummy. I really really love you so much.
Your child x 💗💗