In the darkness, is where you find your light …

When I entered the world of self-development, my anxiety had reached fever pitch, my inner critic was screaming at me – I couldn’t relax. 

They call this the Dark Night of the Soul. It is usually triggered by a significant life change.  The break up of a relationship, the death of a loved one, a health crisis, loss of a job or whatever your rock bottom looks like.

“It is only when we are truly alone, without someone else to lean on, left with our own inner solitude that we can undergo a process of change. The introspection that is needed to bring out the light that has dwindled down to ash and reignite the fire of our being. So let the darkness shape you, let it reform you, let it cradle you and birth you into a new life. Let the spark flame again, in the darkness is where you will find it.”  

― LJ Vanier

I found it impossible to be home alone, so I would go out walking. Nature is a great leveller. Mother Earth holds us. On my return, I would drown out the circus in my head with audio teachings by Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer and other Hay House greats. My Reiki healer introduced me to them and she also taught me how to give myself Reiki. 

My inner child was terrified as all her hurty bits could no longer be held in. They came out of the darkness to be healed. Listening to audio books, webinars and workshops was like having a calm, reassuring parent with me at all times. Their voices were soothing and gave me hope. They inspired me to look beyond the pain and squeeze more joy out of my life.

I can also remember when I found Susan Jeffers’ book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!’ I read it in a day and then spent the weekend dipping in and out of it. It was a huge comfort to me reading her words over and over. I felt like she understood me and helped me make sense of all the chaos and confusion that was both in me and around me.

Not only did I learn so much, it sparked my curiosity and lead me into a whole new world. Over the years, I became a spiritual detective and experimented with different healing modalities, read more books, and went to therapy. I trained as a Life and Child Coach and went on to work with hundreds of children. This was life changing as I met my inner child and learned to love her as she deserved to be loved.

“It is my birthright to live fully and freely. I am worth loving. I now choose to live life fully.”

– Louise L. Hay

It has been a long path – two decades and I’ve put all the pieces together and worked out who I was, what I needed and how I wanted to live my life. It was very different to the way I had been raised and caused me to question everything I knew and thought I loved.

What’s inside my Healing Toolkit?

Recovering from C-PTSD (childhood trauma)

Here I share, MY HEALING TOOLKIT. You’ll hear me talk about this and my healing adventures in my podcast, ‘The Wildheart Diaries’. This is what I use in my work, but it’s not everybody’s recipe for success. Take what resonates for you and leave the rest. Trust that whatever you feel drawn to or whatever is part of your toolkit, is right for you.

A Good Trauma Therapist. 

I have worked with an excellent therapist whose approach is existential and psycho-dynamic. She also specialises in addiction, childhood trauma and abuse. It’s really important to work with somebody who understands trauma and can provide a safe container (secure attachment) from which you can build emotional safety and heal. 

Surround Yourself with Safe People. 

People that feel like ‘home’, or who are ‘familiar’ (notice the word family is in there), are not always safe. Go slow, take your time to get to know people. I talk more about less obvious unsafe people in this episode of The Wildheart Diaries.

Read, read & read some more to educate yourself on the impact of childhood trauma.

Here is my expansive reading list. It’s so important to understand and make sense of your lineage – I talk about the impact of generational trauma in the toxic puddle series on The Wildheart Diaries.

Journal from the Voice of Your Inner Child(ren) / Teen. 

This healing approach is threaded throughout The Wildheart Diaries work because it formed the foundation of my work with children. It recognizes that our behaviours as an adult, stem from our childhood experiences. Inner child work focuses on addressing our unmet needs by reparenting ourselves. It is a lifelong commitment to self-love. You can hear me talk about my inner teen specifically in this episode.

Journal With Oracle Cards.

In this episode of the podcast, I talk about how I use Oracle and Tarot cards in my journaling practice, or join me for Journal in your Jammies and try it for yourself! Over time, this has helped me deal with negative, intrusive thoughts, general anxiety, confusion and self-doubt. Journaling has also helped me trust myself again and reconnected me to my gut feelings and intuition (the part of me that knows what feels right for me). 

Learn to Manage your Energy.

Ground, harness and protect your energy so you feel safe. Safety is the order of the day before anything else. As a Wildheart, you’re super sensitive to your environment. The people you hang out with (see point #2) – in particular their emotions, moods and unspoken words. I give tips about how to do this on The Wildheart Diaries and also in my book, Stuck Between Two Worlds.

“You could walk into a room and sense the mood of the people in it. It’s like their feelings stick to you like Velcro or you absorb them like a sponge. You could be queuing in a shop and all of a sudden feel a pang of anger or sadness which could be from the person standing next to you. Over time you’ll learn to work out what belongs to you and what belongs to others. That’s why we must protect our energy Ruby, because we get tired feeling everybody else’s feelings, and it also makes it hard to be with our own.”

– Stuck Between Two Worlds, Lisa Parkes

Create a Routine.

Make sur it’s one which encompasses quiet time and allows you to prioritise your self-care. Otherwise you will constantly find yourself at the bottom of the list . Do you first! Fill your cup and then give to others. When you give from a cup that is overcoming, you give from a place of love. Don’t underestimate a healthy diet, gentle exercise, water, a good night’s sleep, no caffeine or alcohol and limited screen time. 

Let Music Speak to Your Heart. 

 There’s so much healing magic in music – not just the vibrational energy of the melody, but also the lyrics, the tempo, the harmony that all bring your feelings to the surface. Try singing at the top of your voice on longer car journeys, or joyfully dancing around the kitchen. Or for softer feelings, crying in bed snuggled up to your favourite pet as the music holds you. It helps to comfort, soothe, and release whatever is needed in the moment. You can listen to my free healing playlist on Spotify here.

Some Kind of Bodywork (Somatic Healing).

This is where the trauma gets stuck. Listen to this episode where you’ll hear me talk about what a trauma release feels like. Rather than just talk about your feelings, somatic healers and therapists guide patients to focus on their underlying physical sensations. I’m a fan of Kinesiology, but Breathwork, Kundalini yoga, and EMDR are also highly rated. 

Please use these fabulous free resources and share them with those who need it. I cannot emphasise enough how it helps to know you are not alone and somebody understands what you’re going through.

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” 

― Brené Brown.