This is the second part of a blog, so if you haven’t read that yet, jump back here otherwise this won’t make any sense at all. I really want you to read it and get the most from it. It will help you.
Here are the remaining 3 tools for coping with FREEZE response
3 – – Ask for Help
Freezers usually withdraw. It’s really hard for you to reach out and ask for help. You feel ashamed and bad that you can’t sort it for yourself. Can you say to yourself: ‘It’s safe for me to ask for help!’ I wrote a blog post about how you cannot be all things to your child.
Help can be in the form of:
- family and friends who you trust and you know have got your back
- supportive work colleagues
- an online forum or a group like The Energy Pod
- a coach or therapist
- a cleaner, Nanny or babysitter
- online shopping
Smiley Note: one of the reasons I hated asking for help is because my parents loved me with conditions. ‘After all we’ve done for you.’ Yeah you did a lot but I didn’t ask you to. I thought you wanted to. It’s not true what they say, there is no such thing as a free lunch. There are people who will love you and support you without expecting anything in return. They are choosing to help you and not doing it out of FOG – fear, obligation or guilt.
4 – – Strengthen Your Boundaries
- Are you doing things out of FOG – fear, obligation and guilt?
- How good are you at saying ‘NO’? Perhaps you weren’t able to say ‘NO’ growing up.
- How do you feel when somebody says ‘NO’ to you?
- Can you say ‘NO’ to yourself? Do you have internal boundaries or a stop button as I like to call it!
- Can you say ‘NO’ to your kids. You must say ‘NO’ to them and they must learn to say it and hear it tOo.
To help you, I’ve written these blog posts about boundaries.
- 5 Smiley Steps to Setting Boundaries
- 6 Reasons People Avoid Setting Boundaries
- Two Ways Your Child Shows You That You Lack Boundaries
If you don’t have boundaries in your life, then you will be triggered left, right and centre. Your life isn’t your own and you will be reacting to everything going on around you.
5 – – Take Action!
What paralyses you from taking action can often be perfectionism.
Perfectionism – I can’t do it unless I get it right
…….or it has to be this way or that way is most likely what is stopping us from moving forward. So instead of thinking about the bigger picture which is unknown and therefore scary, just think about the ONE thing you will do right NOW which will take you closer to where you want to be.
Remember your brain wants to keep you safe, so it will come up with all manner of reasons as to why you should or shouldn’t be doing something.
Pete Walker says: “Perfectionism is the defense for emotionally abandoned children. It gives them a sense of control and stops them from giving up. It also creates shame, fear, self abandonment and self disgust.”
Just ONE baby step today, what will it be?
Don’t think about the big picture because that’s too much. What ONE thing will you do today which will take you closer to feeling your feelings and connecting to your emotional self? CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) is the abuse people don’t talk about or are least aware of. Without awareness it gets passed on to the next generation. We want more for them.
Improve your Emotional Literacy at The Energy Pod!
This is your ability to understand and express feelings which involves having self-awareness and recognition of your feelings. It’s about knowing how to manage them; such as the ability to stay calm when angered or to reassure oneself when in doubt. So you can respond instead of react to your child and any other stressful situations when you’re triggered.
At The Energy Pod we talk about our feelings, we draw them, we acknowledge them, we connect to them and we learn practical easy tools to cope with them. Lots of the families who show up every week are scared of feeling their feelings which means they have a lot of suppressed feelings which are coming out sideways.
The kids love it because it’s what they’ve been missing and what they so desperately need.
If you can’t make the live class at 5pm on a Monday, then there is an awesome library of replays for you to download and watch. Maybe you could start off with the one on OVERWHELM (it’s number 12 on the list) because it will help you!