One that doesn’t try to be perfect! Sounds obvious, but so often I see people
- hung up on the way things look (instead of looking how it makes them feel)
- feeling bad about making mistakes
- not being able to admit they are wrong
- comparing themselves to other Mums and feeling less than
- expecting children to behave like adults
- wanting their children to do things, they are not prepared to do themselves
- judging themselves harshly
Last week, The Financial Times wrote an article about ‘Parents hire £200-an-hour confidence coaches for frazzled kids and they quoted yours truly saying
“We are setting the bar too high for ourselves and our children. We are role modelling the impossible.”
So what are you role modelling?
Are you trying to be all things to all people?
Don’t worry! You are not alone. I am a recovering perfectionist and I was once my worst critic. The voice in my head that once played on loop every day was critical, shaming and harsh. I’ve spent time reprogramming that voice using affirmations and trading it for one that is much kinder. Have you seen the affirmation cards I have created for children? I want us to fill their heads with kind, positive and confident loving thoughts. They are called Smiley Thought Cards. What you say to them really matters. What are they hearing from you?
Daniel came to coaching because he was afraid of getting it wrong. He was so afraid that:
- he didn’t put his hand up in class
- he had stopped going to Judo because he wasn’t the best in his class
- he was afraid of his teacher (who he told me was strict and shouty) because he might get told off
- he didn’t like school anymore and wanted to stop trying
It was too painful for him to get it wrong. Poor little guy and he was so smart too. He didn’t even know it because he could only see his hurty bits which were telling him that he was so bad when he made mistakes. After 4 sessions, I got him to see that mistakes were a very important and necessary part of life. I also shone a light on his inner magic and got him to see how he could still make mistakes and be amazing. Sadly, he didn’t know how amazing he was to start with.
How we role model making mistakes to our children is very important and I want to help you with this. First of all, have a read of all the blog posts I have written on this subject. You may just get an aha light bulb moment which makes you want to do things differently. Also, notice how much of a critic you are. Do you constantly correct and demand from your children or are you more comfortable guiding and observing so they can find their own way? How many times a day do you reflect back to your child their good stuff?
- How to Have the Courage to Be a Good Enough Parent where you can read about vulnerability and how you need this to connect with your child with love
- What’s Your Likeability Rating? talks about how if you are running yourself ragged seeking to please others, then you aren’t being yourself warts and all
- Is Honesty Your Best Policy talks about how denial keeps us trapped
- 4 Wicked Ways Which Make Family Life Harder talks about how judgement and blame keep you trapped in the quest for perfectionism
- Are you Asking too Much of Your Child? helps you to check in with yourself and make sure that your expectations are age-appropriate and realistic
Or get in touch with me to see how I can help you and your child get comfortable with the uncomfortableness of life and enjoy making mistakes as they fuel your learning and growth as a person.
So really, what I’m saying is. You can’t be a perfect Mum but you can be the best version of yourself and role model that to your children.