Lots of people are telling me they found my latest blog post helpful. Here it is again if you haven’t seen it. You Think You Know What Coaching Is? Think Again
People are scared of things they don’t understand.
Maybe if I was to show you what coaching really was like, it wouldn’t be so scary.
So let’s bust the myth. Let’s take the lid off and show you what it really can do. People are shocked that children love it and are sad when it ends. We have fun learning (we are born to make sense of things and understand the world around us). Often children associate learning with school and if they have had a bad experience, they switch off to learning and to creating. Coaching opens that up again for them and makes it a good place to be.
Why do you call it ‘The Magic’?
There is a process which takes place within the secure and trusted rapport of Coach and Client relationship which you can’t see. This is why I believe that parenting is not about control or punishment, but about the quality of the relationship you have with your child. I call it ‘the magic’ because sometimes it really and truly does feel like it. Like all good Hogwarts’ pupils, I know that you don’t have to see it to believe it but I’m going to have a really good try at finding ways to show you that it is there. The Magic is all around us and you will see it if you look hard enough.
Let’s take a sneak peek behind the scenes
✨Magical Moment #1
Maddie (age 12) came to one-to-one coaching because she was too afraid to go to school. She was being badly bullied by a group of girls – who were once friends but were now leaving her out and being quite cruel. She had been betrayed and her trust broken. I asked Maddie what it was about coaching that made it possible to trust. She said: ‘At school they don’t seem to care. They don’t believe what I say and I get panicky. You listen and you are interested. I feel as if you believe me. You don’t tell me what to do. I love coming here – nobody knows I am here.’ The magic of feeling safe, being heard and being believed dissolves our hurty bits.They all love my room (even the teenagers which surprises me as it’s very child-like). I think that’s pretty magical with a colour-changing fish tank, a family of helpful power animals, crystals and twinkly lights. I call it my magical broom cupboard: small and perfectly formed.
✨Magical Moment #2
Maddie would have 50 minutes with me at my coaching room one week and then I would give her some videos and worksheets to take home. The following week, we would catch up on Skype for 20 minutes. She would get excited about what was coming next and she would show up on Skype full of enthusiasm and ready for more. ‘Everything you’ve given has really helped and it’s easy. I didn’t know all this stuff before. It’s not hard is it? It’s making me see things differently.’ Then she would show me her drawings and talk me through her discoveries.
The magic of learning when we are relaxed, happy and safe is very very powerful.
✨Magical Moment #3
Maddie did my Super Smiley Coaching Programme for 8 weeks and at our last session, she proudly told me: ‘I made a new friend today. I didn’t think I would.’ She was grinning from ear to ear. I asked her to remember how she had first felt when she came to see me and asked her to dig out her Pre-Coaching Questionnaire. ‘What did you say you wanted to happen?’ I asked her. ‘To have my happy ending and I didn’t really believe that I would. I felt horrible.’ she admitted. More smiles and astonishment at how strong Maddie truly is and how hard she has worked to make her way through the struggle.
The magic of trusting life, ourselves and the process of coaching. I didn’t know Maddie was going to be OK and all I could do was trust in her and the process. This has taken me years of practice – I’m a control freak and a typical fixer. As soon as I allowed her the space to work it all out, nature took over. Maddie trusted me and herself, she let people in again. When all else fails – let go and trust.
✨Magical Moment #4
Bryony (7 years old) came to my Secret Ingredients of Self Confidence Creative Coaching Workshop and she was petrified. Smileyette Nikki met her at the door and took her into a room to meet the other 9 children. After 10 minutes she was chatting away and when it was time to go home told Nikki: ‘That was way better than I thought it would be. When am I coming back?!’ In fact, she did come back and do Get Your Worries Out and Friendship Know How.
The magic of workshops is that when you are in a room of like-minded peeps, you don’t feel alone with your troubles. In fact you feel safe enough to share them (Smiley coaching is very very passionate about making sure children feel safe). Sometimes workshops give just as much as 121 coaching. Magic happens differently to each one of us because we are different.
✨Magical Moment #5
Bryony’s Mum asked what she needed to do and if there were any handouts or follow up notes. We told her ‘no.’ We told her to do nothing and to trust. A few weeks later Bryony went to school and performed in her school assembly. She was over joyed and so was her Mum.
The magic of coaching means that every child in the room, takes away what is right for them.
That’s why we don’t have handouts or notes. Just the artwork created in the moment. Then 2 weeks later a follow up card which the children write at the end of each workshop and we post out to them 2 weeks later. I love reading what they write. They know what it means and that’s what matters most. That’s a bit like the magic of parenting isn’t – whereby you trust your child and are focused on them enjoying the process, not the outcome (see Magical Moment #2). In fact when parents do get focused on outcomes, it stops the magic because it becomes about them and not the child.
✨Magical Moment #6
You can see how much fun my job is. The kids love it. I love it and that makes for some very special times and unique circumstances to be created . Once I ran a Confidence Workshop with Horses for the kids which was amazing and more recently, I took a tired Mummy on one of my VIP Spa Days. As well as her having treatments and having some time out, we talked a lot about her life and her family. She came away with a goodie bag and a plan so she could take the magic home with her.
The magic of coaching is exactly that: the kids don’t know that they are learning some pretty big and important life skills because they are having fun. It’s nothing like the learning they do at school and sparks their zest for life again. We are all life-long learners. We are here to learn.
✨Spooky Magical Moments
Some people may call these co-incidences but I think they are the Universe at work showing how we are all energetically connected to one another. The energy that we give to a problem or struggle is really important. So if you are projecting your fear or worries onto your child’s issues that energy will keep them stuck. Think about what energy will lift them up and help them to believe in themselves again. Anyway, here are some spooky Smiley stories:
1) Once a little boy turned up to coaching with a picture he had drawn for me. It was very similar to the place I had visited the day before. What do you think?
2) A young girl once came to coaching and asked if she could draw me a picture. Of course! At the end of the session, as we were doing our Smiley Thought Cards, this one jumped out of the pack (we call that a flier). Our whole conversation during the session, was around how much safer she felt around animals instead of people. Now that’s magic!
3) Once a little boy would rush into my coaching room, take his sock off, shove his foot in my face and tell me to look! I was looking at his verrucas. ‘Are they bad?’ he would ask me troubled. I suggested he tried a crystal so he picked one that he liked and spent an entire coaching session with it balanced on the top of his foot. He came back after his holiday for his last session to show me that his verruca had disappeared. He couldn’t believe it but he had to. Mmm no picture required for that one, but here is a lovely picture of my crystals.
4) Blows me away when my creative and incredibly intuitive client draws a picture, we open a book and what they have drawn is illustrated inside. Spooky!
If reading this you definitely don’t want to work with me
That’s Ok. It might not be your time or I might not be the Coach for you. If I don’t think I am, I will always sign post families where I think they can get the best help.
If reading this you are still not sure
Then maybe you want to read this blog post Are You Ready for Smiley Coaching? and you also might want to book yourself a 20 minute free Clarity Call so I can answer any of your questions. You might also want to read my FAQs document where the most commonly asked questions are found.
If reading this makes you want to work with me
I can imagine it might do, then have a look in my diary and book yourself a 20 minute free Clarity Call so we can see if it would work for you and your child. Or book your child a Meet Smiley Session and we can get cracking!