Vulnerability is where all your humanness can be seen.
Oh look! Here is a human face. One which is pretending to be a cat and it looks like she’s expressing disbelief. The face of a ginger bookworm who doesn’t just read books, but now she has written one!
Those 55,000 words in 23 days took everything. Writing my story was harder than living it.
Perhaps I hadn’t fully connected to its enormity and appreciated all that I have survived. It was the white knuckle rollercoaster ride that healed another part of me.
Creativity leads you to a beautiful empty page and asks you to take a leap of faith by sharing your most vulnerable self with the world.
It breaks you open. Just like your kids do.
Their gorgeous souls reflect back to you all the parts of you that need to be seen, heard and felt. Maybe you forgot that you’re a gorgeous soul too. Your story has made you who you are. Denying it a voice would be the ultimate self-betrayal.
I hope the book shines a light in the darkness for all those who feel misunderstood or alone.
I was so grateful for all your supportive comments, and of course, the resilience and strength I’ve cultivated along the way. It made it easier to ride those big waves of emotion. The hardest part was fighting my perfectionism, and letting the words unfold as they were meant to.
I listened carefully to every single feeling.
Each one had a message for me:
Shame – ‘How dare you write such damning lies!’
Guilt – ‘If you write this, you will hurt people.’
Frustration – ‘I can’t find the words to say that.’
Sadness – ‘You’re still not very good at goodbyes and that’s OK.’
Fear – ‘They’ll think you’re making such a fuss over nothing.’
Worry – ”What if it’s rubbish and nobody understands it?’
Excitement – ‘You’re writing a f*cking book and nobody can stop you!’
I met them with compassion and empathy because when it comes to your emotions, they write the rules. Here are 10 Rules Your Emotions Follow.
Except on the last day when it all got too much.
And then do you know what I did?
I ate THREE jam doughnuts and a bag of Haribo in one sitting. I didn’t draw breath or even taste them.
You might want to liken my sugar fest to the days when your child is driving you insane and play detective to work out what feelings lie beneath the crazy. I was getting way too big for my boots again. So I shoved all the love, praise and proud feelings down with food. Anything doughy and squishy enough to force it all back down. The toxic shame loves to punish and it’s also familiar.
What is familiar isn’t always good for us.
So why then, is it a damn sight easier than leaning into joy?
Do you ever find it hard to be happy or content or satisfied?
Joy feels fleeting. You can’t hold onto it, whereas toxic shame, that shit sticks forever. It’s in your blood and that mean girl voice if you let it will hold you down and keep you small.
Does it have to be your default setting?
Nah. Not if you stand up to her and protect yourself from her.
I asked my little girl: ‘What do you need right now?’ and she told me. ‘I need a hug and I need to know I’m not bad.’
I listened to how she felt and I didn’t make her wrong or bad, because she’s like you. She’s human.
Then I told her something which I want you to read out loud and hear too.
I said …
‘I see you! You never give up. You do your best. Your heart is full of good intentions – – it cares enough to make a difference. It is helpful and kind to others in ways that aren’t always noticed or appreciated. I hear your call for a trustworthy companion who will understand and be there for you in your struggle. I see how lonely it is when people judge, dismiss and invalidate your experience.
I understand. It’s hard to reach out when you feel small and alone. It takes great courage, faith, and trust to keep on pouring love and energy into life – – a life with no guarantees and few certainties. A life which hasn’t always been easy or kind, but here you are, still here doing your thing.
It’s exhausting. I think you need a little rest. Look at how far you’ve come; NOT how far you have to go. Be kind and appreciate yourself. You won’t find yourself in others. First, you have to see yourself and be there for yourself. You have to stop doing the very thing you accuse others of – dismissing, judging and invalidating. Take your attention away from them, bring it back to you. Be there for yourself and become your own trustworthy kind companion who is always on your side.’
What do you need right now?
You can’t work out what you need unless you’re listening to all your feelings.
When you know how you feel and how to process your feelings, you can self-soothe (not self-medicate) in healthier ways.
A MASTER – NOT A SLAVE
to your feelings.
You will learn …
- that all emotions have a purpose and a message they want you to hear and understand
- how to listen and respond to your emotions instead of reacting to them or judging and making them wrong
- practical tools and techniques to manage all your feelings, even the most uncomfortable ones
Do you and your child want to learn how to navigate the choppy waters of all your feelings?
Simply click below to find out how…