Are you letting things slide?
Sliding has been the theme of my week, and the first ‘slide’ I want to talk to you about is the Smiley Thought Card one. Watch the video and see how that works – such fun!
The second thing that was a bit slidey was me stupidly driving around with bald tyres! So on Monday morning I went to the garage and got myself some new ones. As I was waiting for my tyres to be fixed, I thought about sliding and I realised how people ring me when things have been sliding for a very long time.
It’s amazing what we tolerate before taking action
That’s a bit worrying because it means that we live in pain, we live with uncomfortable things, we let things slide and get really, really bad before we do anything about them. I do that as well. I have good intentions about starting new things and doing things that I say I’m going to do or stop doing things that aren’t good for me and then……So when parents call me they are at crisis point. They tell me:
- my child’s refusing to go to school
- we’re not getting any homework done
- we haven’t had any sleep for 2 months and we’ve only just realised how tired we all are
I’m not just the girl you call in an emergency
Not when you’ve slid all the way to the bottom of the hill. I am the girl you call when you’re at the top of the hill and I give you a set of preventative tools to stop you from sliding all the way down it.
Coaching isn’t just about people that need help because they’ve slid too far down the hill, coaching is about learning new and healthy ways of being to stop yourself from sliding down the hill in the first place.
You’re no good to anyone if you’re not taking care of yourself!
So one example of that which I think is really important that gets overlooked massively is self care for mums. It’s surprising how difficult that is for some mums: the guilt that comes up….I haven’t got time for that, I can’t afford that….OK so when people say that, they’re not making it a priority. They could if they changed their choices around and switched their priorities.
We always prioritise what’s important to us so we put our kids first but actually part of being a mum is taking care of yourself because not only are you showing your children how it is good to take care of yourself and treat yourself with respect and look after yourself and be healthy. You’re no good to anyone if you’re not taking care of yourself.
If your love tanks are depleted and you’re not filling your cup up, then you’re not going to be there for your kids. Loving a child unconditionally is fricking hard quite frankly. I think resentment is a real sign that you’re over spent, stretched, running on empty. You’ll feel like people are making demands on you.
Do you find yourself saying this?
- ‘Why does everyone want me?’
- ‘I’m going to change my name! I don’t want to be called mum anymore.’
- I’m going to hide under the duvet. I’m going to lock myself in the toilet.’
- I can’t even finish a cup of tea in peace.’
So mums I’d really like you to take care of yourselves, you’re really important, you’re very special, your kids love and adore you and nothing would make them happier than to see you taking care of yourselves, so please please take note of that.
The other thing that we let slide is things at home in our family so we get a bit lax with our boundaries and we might let homework slide or bed time slide or rules around sugar and screens slide and once they start sliding.
We need to create some healthy habits
Apparently habits can take 21 – 30 days to form (I wrote more about this in my blog post What the Most Successful Mums Do Before Breakfast) and they reckon in the first ten days you’ll be quite resistant to them and then you get in a space where they’re a bit boring and uncomfortable and then you get in a space where you’re like ‘Woooohooo I’ve created a habit!’. You start to see the benefits of creating a habit. It could be getting up and meditating every morning or going for a run.
What habits do you do already without trying too hard?
There are some habits that we do quite naturally because we’ve been doing them since the beginning of time. Cleaning our teeth every day. I get out of bed, put my slippers on and go and make a cup of tea because I can’t function without a cup of tea in the morning. That’s my habit. My Smiley Thought Cards are by the kettle so whilst the kettle boils, I shuffle my cards and do my reading. The way to do it, is to attach a new habit to another habit you already do without too much thought or effort.
It’s much better if you and your family create healthy habits together. I often talk to clients about having family rules because these are the easiest way to be clear about boundaries. Families have loads of unwritten rules don’t they? In our home it was ‘no singing at the table’ or ‘don’t say what, say pardon’, ‘if you’re the last one to use all the toilet roll you need to change it’ otherwise there’s a war breaking out or you get in a bit of a sticky situation!
Do you have written family rules, shared values or goals?
Actually we have all these unwritten rules not written down so how can we guide our children towards the behaviour we want to see if it’s not obvious what they are. Children have a lot of things to learn and a lot to remember every day so I think it is really important to have rules. I also think it is important to have goals as a family, what we are working towards, what do we want to change, how are we growing, how are we understanding each other, how do we communicate. All those things that lead to a healthy happy family.
You can find out how to inclusively create family rules and values with the whole family in my course No More Power Struggles. This is just one of the ways to set boundaries kindly with your child. The rest of the course is a deep dive into your own personal boundaries with step-by-step videos as well as some helpful scripts so you can make your new learnings a reality – otherwise what would be the point?!