How do you really feel?
Often when I ask people this question, they don’t mention their feelings at all….they automatically respond with ‘I’m fine’.
Or they tell me a story totally caught up in the drama of life. Their feelings don’t feature.
- ‘This girl in her class bullied her…..’ (roughly translated to anxious, scared, panicky, lonely)
- My kids are driving me crazy….’ (roughly translated to overwhelmed, sad, resentful)
- ‘She forgot my birthday ….’ (roughly translated to hurt, sad, worthless)
- ‘The school aren’t doing anything….’ (roughly translated to confused, scared, afraid, disappointed, angry)
When parents call to talk about working with me, I ask them what behaviour they are seeing in their child specifically which is causing them concern which usually proceeds with a huge back story of what has happened.
I often worry I’m being RUDE when I stop them.
The story isn’t relevant.
It doesn’t matter what happened at this point.
Firstly because I ask them to complete an online questionnaire so I’ve got all the information I need.
Secondly, I need to hear the child tell their story, but what I really need to know is how their child feels.
Why? Because ALL Feelings Drive Behaviour.
It’s only by listening to, validating, understanding and connecting to our feelings that we CAN REALLY AND TRULY heal and feel better.
This tells me that lots of us aren’t connected to or aware of our feelings.
We aren’t listening to ourselves or each other. Close your eyes now and go within. How do you feel?
If you are aware of this then you are going to be able to role model it to your kids. I recognised after years of therapy that you can’t live a good life without being connected to your feelings – my big reason for creating The Energy Pod
“We must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behaviour.” – Brene Brown
I mean seriously…..
Imagine if we’d learnt this stuff growing up?
So far we’ve done 18 classes learning some pretty vital life lessons …
- Life is peppered with DISAPPOINTMENT so we need to learn from it and bounce back, instead of letting it define our happiness. (week 1)
- Our energy can get big, EXCITED and out of control which is overwhelming and affects our behaviour. (week 2)
- We all WORRY especially when we are trying something new or different. It helps to understand what our worries are trying to tell us. (week 3)
- Negative feelings were easier for us to talk about and deal with than positive ones (surprised?), especially hope which we can’t see, but life requires us to be HOPEFUL and COURAGEOUS over and over again especially when we face painful losses. (weeks 5 and 7)
- CREATIVITY is at the heart of emotional resilience as we put our problem-solving skills to the test. This was my favourite class! (week 13)
- Lots of children feel embarrassed about their big feelings like ANGER and SADNESS so they hide it from others. How exhausting! It makes us more worried and stops us from being our true selves. (week 8 and 10)
- Feeling LOVED and seen for who we are is essential and some of us don’t (clue: it’s not about just saying it). Children don’t feel loved when grown-ups are angry with them. We weren’t getting the right kind of love (everybody is different). (week 4)
- School makes us scared of getting it wrong and in our quest to get it right, we feel terrible when we get it wrong! It’s safe for us to make MISTAKES and we have to if we want to grow and learn in life. (week 14)
- Being SENSITIVE is a wonderful gift when you know how to handle it. If anybody doesn’t get that, then they are missing out. (week 15)
- Stress causes OVERWHELM which is not only bad for our health, but it stops us from enjoying life. (week 12)
You can learn all these lessons too!
Click here to download any of the previous classes mentioned in this post – there are loads. One for most of your feelings.