Every week, I jump on line and via the magic of Facebook Live answer your burning questions about all things children. I use the priceless and valuable insights from my coaching room and transform them into practical and helpful tools so you can give your child what they need to flourish in life. This week, we hear from a sad Mum whose daughter’s self talk is mean and critical. Let’s see if we can shine a light on their struggle and hopefully in the process help other children with negative self talk too. Are you ready?

Dear Smiley

I’ve been wanting to write to you for sometime and put it off hoping that we would find our way (as you call it) and it was only a phase. I have a beautiful, funny and smart 9 year old daughter who lacks confidence.

At first we thought she was shy and needed encouragement with her school work, but now she has started to say things like ‘I’m rubbish’ or ‘I’m such a loser.’ My husband and I find this really upsetting. We have no idea what has caused her to feel this way about herself as she does well at school, has a fab teacher and has some lovely friends.

I think what is worse is that we have a cheeky 5 year old son who is super confident and seems to sail through life with ease. For our daughter we fear this only highlights the negativity she feels about herself. My husband and I both repeatedly tell her that she is great and we don’t put pressure on her to perform at school as we know this makes her worse.

To be honest sometimes, we tell her off for speaking to herself in that way as she winds herself up into such a state. We don’t want to have to go there every night there is homework. It’s too much. She gets quite angry and shouts at us. Although, when she has calmed down she feels awful and then starts up the ‘I am horrible.’ talk again. It’s like a vicious circle.

Please can you help us get our daughter to believe in herself and be more confident in her ability. We know she can do it but we don’t know how to get her to see what we see.


Love Two Puzzled Parents x

Watch the video below and find out what happened in this week’s episode of Dear Smiley!

Useful Links Mentioned in this Episode

Read my blog post Why acknowledging achievements is not bragging but building self confidence and The 3Cs That Block Your Path To Happiness + Confidence

Bag yourself a box of beautiful and magical Smiley Thought Cards so you can help your child to see themselves more positively

Boost your child’s self esteem with this helpful blog post.

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