(side note: this card is from Believe in Your Own Magic by Amanda Lovelace. I use this beautiful card deck in my Follow Your Heart Intuitive Coaching Programme – it teaches people to reclaim their power when they feel broken. It helps them to overcome self-doubt and anxiety, so they can switch off their busy brains, reconnect to their intuition and feel more peaceful).

Aaagggh I was gutted I broke my fav mug this week. Luckily, I have others. (I call it my cupboard of love as all my mugs are adorned with hearts).

Did you ever break something you really loved?

I remember when I wrote my car off at 18 and my Dad said to me ‘Don’t worry, as long as you’re ok. Cars can be replaced, but you can’t!’

Ironic really, as at 30 I had a break down. The weight of being responsible for my Mum’s happiness from a young age grew too heavy. Not to mention surviving the emotional and physical violence, gaslighting and feeling like I couldn’t leave. I’ve been training to be Smiley since I was about 3. It was no wonder that as I approached 30, I was broken.

Read more How to Recover Your Broken Spirit After A Toxic Relationship

‘Why do you need somebody to tell you how to live your life?’ was also something my Dad said to me in 2009  when I officially qualified as a Coach and called myself Smiley.

How could I fix people when like that mug, I felt so broken?

Or was I? Maybe I was becoming somebody else. Maybe I was breaking myself open to discover the real me inside. Like one of those Kinder eggs, I found real treasure!

Turns out, I didn’t need to be Smiley to make others happy.

I certainly DIDN’T need bloody fixing!

I needed love, compassion, kindness and somebody who could really see me. Sadly, my parents never could because nobody ever truly saw them.

This shit goes back generations and it ruins families. I’m truly sorry if this is your experience too.

Abuse leaves you feeling confused and doubting yourself

It robs you of your self-esteem and confidence. It wires your brain for danger and you stop trusting people…you don’t believe life has your back.

I’ve spent the last 20 years healing. Some of it isolating and hiding away because the guilt and shame gets you that way.

Just this week, I started to feel a spark.

The light had been turned back on inside of me. Sometimes we don’t realise we are in darkness, until we come out the other side. I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels in survival mode trying to convince parents to get it, BUT just like mine – they could notNO blame here. Denial is a master protector. Breaking generational trauma is hard work, but it’s NECESSARY if we don’t want to pass it on.

I whole-heartedly wanted to help all the children, but the person I needed to help most was ME!

This is what I’ve been saying to parents on loop for years, ‘You’ve got to know yourself deeply and love yourself…..unconditionally.’

….if only I could listen to my expert advice!

Human first…Coach second. NO judgement. ONLY compassion.

Humans f8ck up a lot. Giving myself permission to do that these days certainly makes life less stressful.

And like you, I’ve been surviving this global pandemic.

Two years, we’ve been living in horrendous fear and uncertainty. During this time, I’ve also been coming to terms with family estrangement, battling with C-PTSD and PTSD. I’ve been doing deep work grieving for my family, lost childhood and working out who I am.

I don’t know who that is yet, but I’ve definitely outgrown Smiley.

You can hear me talk about how she was born from my trauma in this final video I did on Facebook.

I really like the Lisa I’m becoming.

I honestly feared what I might find. I was terrified that I was as rotten as they said I was. Thank God I wasn’t and that was just a projection of their own hurt, self-loathing, shame and ‘brokenness‘……

And thank God that the real gold unearthed during this dark time, was my inner child and her magnificent creativity.

I’m talking about all that healing, magical content that you’ll find in Truly Madly Smiley, Stuck Between Two Worlds (my story as told by my 10 year old self) and over 100 blog posts. All that content will stay. I  have a feeling that the on-going pandemic is going to start impacting emotional wellbeing more…. especially for Wildhearts who are acutely aware of their environment.

What’s next for me?

My private practice is still open. I’ve been offered partnerships and contracts with the council to work with teens. I’ll keep you posted. I’m also starting a new project. I’ll tell you more about that next time. It’s going to be for grown ups who are walking this healing path. Perhaps, like me,  you too don’t have a great relationship with your family or you feel like a sensitive soul struggling to find meaning and magic in this crazy world.

And boy hasn’t it gotten crazy?! I wonder what next year will bring.

I’m forever hopeful for happy endings.

After everything, I still believe they are possible. There is NO light without darkness. From chaos comes order.Things have to break apart first. So next time, it feels like it’s all going ‘wrong‘…just switch it up and think ‘What if this is all turning out for my highest good?’

Until then, I’m wishing you good health, so much happiness, and may all your dreams come true in 2022.

Take care,

Love

Lisa x

PS If you’re feeling uncertain about 2022, treat yourself to an intuitive card read with me and I’ll gladly inspire and guide you forward.

 

Please share the love with those that need it most
Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial