I can confess that I’m not an emotionally resilient adult. Are you?
At 44, I am proud to say that I’m tenacious and hard working, BUT, it takes another level of hard work to keep the faith when things go wonky.
At The Energy Pod, we’ve been exploring the energy of MOTIVATION. It fascinated me to discover that most of us aren’t actually short on motivation, but more on self-belief (trusting in your ability) and self esteem (the way you see yourself).
I’m not going to lie, at times, I doubted myself; wondering if my failed attempts at helping and guiding the Energy Podders were making it worse. Some children didn’t want to set goals and some children dropped out after the first session. Eeek!
Does your child give up easily?
Maybe your child doesn’t even start because the fear of getting it wrong or failing is too big. That’s what causes procrastination. The need to be perfect. Nothing is perfect and so it’s better to start than not at all.
Discover the 10 Ways perfectionism is created in children
I want certainty that it’s going to be OK.
I suffer with low self esteem and anxiety which means I need a lot of reassurance. That’s why I have a Coach and a therapist to take care of my mental health. When I’ve disappeared into a pool of snotty tears claiming: ‘It’s not working! I can’t do it! I must be doing it wrong! It’s too hard!’, they believe in me.
It would be better if I could believe in myself. That’s the goal and I’m getting there. Baby steps. It’s transformational when somebody recognises your efforts and understands what matters to you. A cheerleader who encourages you and helps you turn your negative self talk into compassion and kindness.
When I received this email from a Mum recently (below), I realised that this is what I do for a living. I am the person I needed growing up.
Improved emotional regulation in only 3 months
This little boy is 7 and he came to The Energy Pod with his family every Monday for 3 months. From the comfort of their own home, it took 3 months for him to learn new skills and ways of thinking, to understand himself and his feelings, and for him to find his way with his anger. It took me 44 years…still trying and thousands of pounds in therapy.
It doesn’t end there though. When one family member is struggling, it can impact on the whole family. So his younger brother learnt all that too and both of them got to spend quality time with their parents feeling heard, seen and understood (only 45 minutes a week – you don’t need to be there 24/7). The whole family have a better understanding of each other and the parents feel more confident when there is an emotional meltdown or tricky challenge.
What is essential to make lasting changes?
It’s incredible and the key to their success? Let me explain more….
Children with good self esteem bounce back quicker!
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” ―
Even though I’ve achieved a lot with my little life and have moments where I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, that little voice inside my head doubts me. It doesn’t really feel as if it has my best interests at heart. It doesn’t want me to do well. Emotionally resilient children have good self esteem. This blog tells you more about the signs of a child with low self esteem and how that spills over into every area of their lives – homework, exams, social skills, friendships and learning.
Children learn new things every day and this means they need to be prepared to fail, to get it wrong and to know that they can do tricky things!
What was the biggest lesson learnt?
The video below, let’s you be a fly on the wall and listen in to parts of our 4 week journey. As we moved past the tricky bit, we realised that we made it when we kept on trying even though we had no evidence or no certainty that we would. Oh and that we were all there for each other without any judgement whatsoever.
Round of Applause for Staying Power
Wooo! Please join me in applauding these super kids. I’m so proud of the Energy Podders. They seriously did sooooo good this month. Good listening. Good learning. Good attendance. Good perseverance even when it got tough.
So here’s what we learnt in the class about staying motivated when things don’t go according to plan:
1 – Mindset is everything! The way we think affects the way we feel and so we need to pay attention to our thoughts. That’s what those Smiley Thought Cards are for! And remember even if you don’t have a box, you can listen to them for free every day on Alexa. Your brain will naturally come up with excuses and want to bail (that’s often why people don’t make it) because they buy into what their brain tells them. Mastering a growth mindset will override your brain’s negativity.
2 – Encouragement & Kindness go a long way. Do you beat yourself up and give up on yourself or can you find the words to encourage yourself and remind yourself of all the times in the past when you’ve been successful? When you value yourself, you talk to yourself like you would a good friend. My ‘Be Your Own Best Friend’ online course will be helpful if you’re mean or super critical to yourself.
3 – Be Single-minded & Track your Progress. We set ourselves a goal and talked about ways to track it every day so it was in the forefront of our mind. One thing at a time. Laser focussed. One small action every day. Baby steps. Keep on moving. Don’t stop! Check out the Courage Chats if you want to learn how to make your own step by step plan.
4 – Frustration is a warning sign! When we get frustrated, it’s time to take a rest so we can go back and try again. We don’t need to give up and we don’t need to beat ourselves up.
5 – Be Realistic. It will be hard and it will be uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable because you don’t know when you’ll get there and you’re still working it out. It’s easier with a realistic expectation. You can do hard things. Repeat after me: ‘I can do hard things!’.
6 – Make it fun! We had so much fun singing and sharing our power songs. Make a playlist of high energy tunes that totally shift your energy. You can also turn it into a game or a competition. What would make it fun to get the job done?!
7 – Attitude Matters. Be committed. Once you put your neck on the line and commit yourself, you’re halfway there. Not being sure or having a go, are not the same as being committed to finding your way. Your brain believes what you tell it is true, so if you keep telling it ‘I can’t!’ you won’t!
8 – Be prepared to get it wrong + make mistakes. There is a Smiley Thought Card which tells you about how to reframe mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn more and we need to get it wrong, to get it right! There is nothing bad about making mistakes. It’s what humans do.
Didn’t make it to class?
If you’re not around when class is on, there is a library of replays for you to download. Each class is 45 minutes long and focuses on the energy of a feeling (emotion). You can enjoy these as a family from the comfort of your sofa.
Think: Netflix and snuggle!
