Last week I jumped onto Facebook and said goodbye.
You can watch the video (above) and hear me talk about why I decided to do this. It took me a long time, and a lot of back and forward to reach this point. I’ve told you before how goodbyes make me crazy.
Change is good but lots of people are scared of it because it’s unknown and takes you right out of your comfort zone.
Don’t worry I’m riding that wave – under a snuggly blankie with my Oracle decks and journal. My trusty hot water bottle keeping me safe and warm.
The Facebook goodbye really reminds me of that scene in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts does this…
You know I have all of these fabulous resources and people aren’t getting it! She’s so frustrated. I’m incredibly frustrated. Here it is – why don’t you want it? Aaaaggggggggggh!
It also reminds me of the scene when she does this…*gasp*
I’m living walking proof that not prioritising your child’s emotional wellbeing is a big mistake.
Big. HUGE. One you cannot afford to make.
Maybe I didn’t make it clear because the co-dependent in me wanted to protect you from that horrible feeling you get when you make a mistake. But this one really is BIG. HUGE. Nothing for you to feel ashamed about. You have the chance and can make a choice to change it today!
- I spent hours – no make that YEARS (30 years of my life to be exact) – thinking it was my fault.
- I spent hundreds – no make that THOUSANDS of pounds unlearning and relearning about emotional intelligence so I could be a fully functioning adult.
- I read countless self-help books, embarked on lots of self-development courses and began an endless quest for inner peace. Or so I thought but what I was really looking for was……. myself.
Sounds terribly hippy-dippy doesn’t it? But if you grow up without emotional nurturing and healthy role models, you won’t know who you are either. If you can’t see yourself and you don’t truly know yourself, you will strugggle to parent. Had I gone on to have children, it would have been a disaster. I would have unknowingly passed on all my hurty bits to them.
Life is precious (that was the original strapline for my business when I started it). You only get one. It’s not a dress rehearsal. It’s not a survival assault course. It’s here to be lived and enjoyed and experienced in full colour! I think everybody deserves a fair shot at that.
Everybody deserves to live on the other side of fear not raise a family sitting in it!
Healing from childhood wounds is costly
Not just in terms of the therapy bill but the mental anguish, the doubt, the confusion, the wasted life, the toxic relationships, the anxiety, the depression, the despair and the monumentally painful and cavernous grief. I haven’t spoken to my parents for 4 years. So at worst, family estrangement is the order of the day. I don’t think anybody wants that for their family. Do you?
And yet still, the denial is strong. It’s a bummer. The fear runs the show and when unaddressed generational trauma always repeats itself.
You can see why I care a lot + want to help.
I’ve felt the heartbreak and desperate pain of that costly mistake and I want to protect other people from it, but I can’t. That is their journey and their life lessons. Rock bottom will be their ‘friend‘. Just like it was mine. Eeeek. Fortunately, as I said, I didn’t have children in that potent poisonous mix.
Anyway! I’m sick of talking about that (and still sad).
There have been many emails + questions.
I’m going to answer some of those here but I’m also going to say that when things come to an end, it’s sad. I’m sad…and also a little bit relieved that I don’t have to be that Lisa anymore.
Please make sure you acknowledge the sadness. I know some of you liked my regular videos and updates and you may feel the space when they are not there. It’s okay. I feel the space too. Take care of yourself. Here are 10 rules your emotions follow.
I also want to say thank you to everybody who sent lovely messages of support and thanks. It’s much appreciated. Right! Now on with the questions..
1. Are you shutting down your business?
I am also now offering an Emergency Coaching Service so am here if you need me for one-off panics and when life goes wonky.
2. Why are you not doing Facebook anymore?
I wanted to step away from the face-to-face work with kids because I was becoming a Counsellor – I am not that. I’m not qualified to do that either.
I served notice on my coaching room and went online to become more of a mentor/teacher who had practical tools and resources for kids to use.
I wanted to be an advocate of preventative measures – prioritising health habits over crisis management (waiting until the sh1t hit the fan!). I wanted to motivate and inspire kids to feel good about who they are and help families to learn and grow together.
I wanted to fill in the gaps of what these kids weren’t getting but needed
I wanted to empower you to choose a healthier path for your family’s emotional wellbeing
Facebook was a platform for me to share my message. I wanted to get to know you and to create a community. I wanted us to talk about what mattered and how we could better support children with their mental and emotional health. I wanted us to stand together, to take action and to step up. To let kids know that we had their back and we wanted to support them.
For the reasons I mention in the video, that didn’t happen. A decade of trying and I’m pretty tired. And a bit effed off to be honest. A bit disappointed that we’re letting these kids down in ways that are not acceptable to me.
I’m going to put my energy elsewhere. Somebody did say I should be a motivational speaker – thank you. And there was me sitting here questioning: ‘Maybe my leadership skills need a makeover?!’
And you do question things when you’ve been doing something for a long time and you really care about it.
You want to make a difference, you question it and yourself terribly.
Is there another way?
Have I exhausted every possibility?
Could I have done it better?
How can you possibly find answers if there isn’t a feedback loop?
How can you do it alone if there isn’t an active community with a voice?
And just like when I was a little girl, I wondered what it was I had to do to get my parents to pay attention to the bits that mattered to me. To enter my world and see that what mattered to them wasn’t what nourished my little soul.
Is it true that the world lacks empathy even more than when I was growing up? It’s crazy and it’s one of the things that we need more than we need new iphones, fancy cars, big homes and more stuff.
I tried to make the impossible possible. I played that game for long enough with them and they didn’t listen. It took me a while to work out that I don’t have to play it with you. If you don’t want to listen, I can’t do anything about that. I will however continue to be sad about your children because I know they wish it were different and I know they want and deserve more.
I know what it does to their insides and how that impacts their whole life when they are grown up.
What I can do is find the people who do understand the value of this work and who want to spread the word. More about them in a minute…
One voice in the darkness is okay for a while but after 10 years, it becomes an unhealthy dynamic. So I can only say that my lesson here is to stop over-giving and doing more than the lion’s share of the work for people who have no intention of doing their bit. I think that’s a lesson for many of us really.
How is it that I care about helping other people’s kids and make that more of a priority than they do? Mmmm.
3. Are you still releasing podcasts?
Not for the interim, I’m going to rest the Truly Madly Smiley podcast. There are still 42 fabulous episodes for you to listen to and enjoy. I know many of you have found it a comforting resource and I will leave it there for now. Tell your children I’m taking a break and I still think about them often. They are all in my heart. They honestly are.
4. Can I still access my online course?
Yes, all the courses in the online learning den are still there. I am going to take down the Energy Pod Library of Replays – they are currently on sale to my lovely loyal newsletter readers and then I will retire them. There is so much good content in there and it pains me at this point to remove it. I may well find the people who truly need it by exploring other avenues – more about them in a bit.
I am so proud that these little packs of videos and worksheets have been able to reach more people in their homes. They’ve helped children sleep at night, feel confident at school, overcome their worries, feel good about who they are and learn how to self soothe and calm themselves when the world gets too hard or too sad or too frustrating.
Naturally, I would have liked to have seen more parents joining their children in this learning. There are packs on boundaries, active listening, self-care and confidence for Mums. Again, people are not ready or willing to hear that who they are and what they role model will impact their kids waaaaay more than anything they say. I could take a lesson from that too!!!
5. What are you doing next?
Who knows. I’m taking time to think about that.
I wasn’t surprised to see that the people who took the time to reach out and say thank you were teachers, SENCO, school counsellors or child practitioners of some type. They may also be parents as well BUT what’s important is that they’re already in this world and understand the value and importance of it.
This has sent me off down another path. Now, I have more questions:
- Can I support these people?
- What sort of support do they need?
- What does this support look like?
- Is there a budget for this kind of support?
- Is any of my existing online content helpful to these people?
As somebody who is on the front line, I recognise that the hardest challenges are:
- Self-care and boundaries (the emotional intensity of this work is overlooked)
- Understanding the importance of trauma and how it impacts learning
- Feeling overwhelmed or uninspired – not having the resources or support to be able to do your job. Maybe priorities are focused elsewhere and people are stuck in old ways of doing it or repeating old patterns.
Is there anything else you want to add to that?
The struggle is real: we’re not meeting these children’s needs
It’s tough out there for these kids. They are throwing themselves in front of trains, cutting themselves, starving themselves, losing themselves in a virtual world (I don’t blame them, the real world ain’t that pretty right now) and communicating their pain in ways which are intense, frightening and very unhealthy.
You become like the five people you spend your time with
When you have that kind of energy in a school it’s contagious. It’s like when you have it in a family, it’s a computer virus that poisons the motherboard. It seeps into the whole system and everybody is impacted. Are you a Victim, Survivor or Thriver?
- If you’re hanging out in places that are stressful, passive, ill-equipped to support you and dismissive of your pain, you will struggle.
- If you’re hanging out in places that prioritise their needs over yours, you will struggle
- If you can’t or don’t know how to ask for help, you will struggle
- If you don’t know how to manage that or protect yourself from it (set boundaries), you will struggle.
How can I stay in touch?
My newsletter is the way to do so. I may return to Instagram but not feeling called to do so right now.
If you’ve sent me a personal reply and reached out
Thank you! Bless you! You’re so kind. Know that I’m working my way through those and will be in touch. I’m not looking to collaborate or partner with anybody right now. I’m truly humbled by all the requests. Thank you.
My priority is to brainstorm and talk with you about the possibilities of what will make the most difference to kids. I don’t want to start something new without having a strategy and a solid plan. If I don’t think I can do something that is worthwhile for everybody, I won’t do it.
If you don’t want to be part of this discussion, or stay with me on this journey, please know that is okay. Thank you for being here and I hope you’ve found comfort, learnt a thing or two and most of all I hope somewhere along the way, you’ve felt inspired to take positive action.
There is no change without action.
Be that change!
Be the change you want to see in the world.