I’ve just finished reading Twelve Life Lessons by the totally marvellous, down to earth and very clever Kate Spencer. I couldn’t put it down. I literally demolished it in 2 days flat. Oh how times have changed when the new going out is staying up late to finish your book 🙂
Mums get your copy now. It will make you laugh, cry and ponder on your life.
I do that a lot. Ponder about life.
It’s my job or the way my mind works. To find meaning in everything and to make sense of the unfathomable. I reckon I would have been an ace detective. We do that as humans though. Make sense of stuff. Even that or we blame somebody. Mmm not sure that’s helpful.
At one of my recent creative coaching workshop, a lovely Mum said to me;
“I wish we’d had a Smiley Coach when I was growing up.”
I wish that too but then not too much because then I wouldn’t be doing this for a living! On my journey to Smileydom, I’ve made some life changing discoveries which I wanted to share with you. I thought it might be helpful. The biggest take away is don’t change who you are to fit in. So, as Ant and Dec would say on I’m a Celebrity (how much do you love them?!), here they are in no particular order:
1. Nothing stays the same
When you are having a day where it feels like you wading through peanut butter, it’s important to remember that this too shall pass. Life ebbs and flows. Ebb and flow with it. You’ve got the moves. It will make you happier too.
2. All emotions are allowed and to be freely expressed
Suppressing emotions leads to dis-ease (illness) in your physical body. Anger is depression turned in on oneself. Have you read ‘You Can Heal Your Life? by Louise L Hay’ Same applies to your children. Allow them to express how they feel without shame or humiliation. If it embarrasses you, I want to know how emotions were handled growing up in your house. If it makes you feel humiliated, your children are not a extension of you. They are individuals with their own journey and discoveries to make. Let them be with all their raw emotion hanging out. Let them feel so they can experientially learn their way to where they need to be. Love them through it.
3. Anger when used correctly moves mountains
When I’m angry piles of ironing disappear, bathrooms sparkle…things get broken! No they don’t but putting the power of that anger to good use means that you can drive it through your body. Anger is not shameful or bad. It is part of being a human being (although on busy days I feel like a human doing) and it tells us that something needs to change. It says; ‘I don’t like that. I don’t want that.’ Find a healthy way to deal with anger in your home and if you need a hand with that, you may want to join my new Calm Down class.
4. I am not my thoughts or my behaviour
Often and I’m sure without thinking we label our children as naughty or annoying or negative. The problem with labels is that they become a bad habit and when a child hears that label over and over, they become their label. We are all more than our thoughts, behaviour or physical bodies. Who we are is a soul or spirit (or whatever you like to call it) which sits inside of us. We are creative, beautiful, loving and good at our very core. Make sure your child knows this. You are their mirror: reflect it back to them.
5. What you give out you get back (The Law of Attraction)
DON’T waste your time thinking about what you don’t want, instead focus your mind on where you heading. Every good Coach will tell you that you need goals. Keep the goal in mind. Ask: does this thought / action / behaviour / event / person take me closer to or further away from my goals? If you haven’t been introduced to the Law of Attraction, then you definitely need to read Kate’s book.
You can read my blog post about this one. Nothing is perfect. If life was a game of Trivial Pursuits, you would never have all the wedges. Never. That is why we are here and every day is a school day – can I rock out any more clichés in one blog post?! Impressive. You know if you get it wrong, all you have to do is mop up and say sorry. Be real with your kids and role model the behaviour you want to see.
7. Not everybody will like you
And that is fine with me because we are all mirroring each other. When people don’t like us we are showing them a part of themselves (their shadow part) that they are unaware of / don’t like / have rejected / feel uncomfortable about. Same with your kids. What are they mirroring back to you about yourself that drives you nuts?
8. You make a difference
Everybody has a special gift to give to the world. It took me until I was nearly 40 to find mine. Make sure you know what yours is and share that story with your child. We are all here for a reason and we all need to honour our very unique and special gifts.
Lisa is a “Life Coach”. A phrase I use hesitantly as I know it sadly turns a lot of people off but please hold back your preconceptions, open your minds and hear me out! Lisa is the SMILEY COACH! Her forte is supporting and guiding children of all ages through the quagmire of early life. I have first hand experience of Lisa’s skills and can honestly say she has a magical bond with children. Having attended several of her workshops and some 1:1 sessions, my rather anxious 9 year old daughter refers to Lisa as “the lady who takes my worries away” ~Claire Guest, Camberley
9. It’s healthy to be proud of what you have achieved
There’s a fine line between showing off and feeling proud of who you are and where you’ve come from. Find it and know it. Role model it to your children. Being proud is more of an inner knowing and being able to shine. We all need to shine from time to time and know that when we do, we are all making a difference to the world (see point no. 8)
10. It’s OK to say no (it’s more than OK, it’s flipping mandatory)
I could write pages on this but I won’t. There is another blog post which tells you how to use the poo burger technique for this. There are very big consequences if you can’t hear or say it. If people repeatedly ignore your no, either you’re not being assertive enough or they are what I call ‘Boundary Invaders.’ Steer clear of these people, they do not have your best interests at heart. These tricky customers need special handling.You don’t need to make your child feel bad to teach them either. Truth bomb: punishment doesn’t work!
11. Listen to your heart
It knows all the answers. Listen to that little voice that knows. Teach your children how to listen to their intuition. Well-meaning friends and family may want to tell you how to think, feel or what to do. They aren’t you. Trust your heart. Smiley’s Little Box of Kindness was created especially to help children listen to and take care of their tender hearts.
12. Rejection does not mean I’m bad
For every no in my life, there has been a bigger yes and whilst after a no disappointment follows, I had no idea what life had in store for me. Hold on just a little big longer.
This is actually one of Kate Spencer’s sayings. Running a business and life you love (that’s one of Marie Forleo’s) doesn’t mean being in an office, 9-5 with a job description, a pension and whatever else a proper job conjures up for you. That’s why I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. The job description didn’t exist. I made it up. Kate and Marie are two totally inspiring women who are doing their thing and turning it into a career.
14. Love is given freely or it is NOT love
Love is a choice and when you give your love away, it is just that giving it away. There is no ‘you owe me’ or control or manipulation. Love is pure and feels good. If it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t love. This is the same for you and your child. Have you read my blog post about how certain types of ‘love’ can damage a child?
15. Everybody is different
Yes I’m stating the bleeding obvious but my point is that people have different standards, views, values, beliefs and opinions. Don’t judge everybody by your own standards. You will surely be disappointed…….ALOT! Actually try not to be Judgey McJudgerson because that says more about you than it does about the other person.
16. Your smile is one of your greatest assets
They don’t call me Smiley for nothing you know?! How good does it feel when somebody smiles at you? How much better do you feel when you are smiling?
17. Being Ginger is not a curse
Gingers rock. Ed Sheeran said so. I rest my case.
18. If people show you they are not trustworthy, believe it
I have views on second chances. That’s because I’ve given 4, 5, 6, 7, 8……too many to be honest and I’ve been hurt. My fault entirely. Seeing the good in everybody is a great coaching quality but not when somebody is mugging you off (sorry any non- TOWIE lovers but this expression just says it how it is).
19. Look for the gifts
If you don’t get the lesson the first time around, life chucks it back at you over and over. Head out of sand. Face it. Deal with it. Stop hiding. Somebody once gave me the gift of self esteem and even though I cried my heart out and thought I would never get over the pain, I did and I loved myself a lot more afterwards.
20. Life supports me because I deserve good things
We live in an abundant world where we can have anything we want. Queen of Sabotage, I used to stop short of this belief because *shock horror* I thought I wasn’t good enough. The more I coach the more I meet people who have this belief too. If this is you say this to yourself over and over and over every morning in the mirror until it becomes your truth. Let me hear you now: ‘Life supports me because I deserve good things.’
As well as coaching children to understand some of these facts, I have package them up and put them in a box so more people can feel more encouraged, loved and confident about themselves and their life. They are called Smiley Thought Cards and you can pick up a box at my online shop.
I want as many children to have fun, know themselves and like who they are. This is why I do what I do.
If you want to get fit, you go to the gym. If you want to lose weight, eat more healthily. What about you emotional health. That counts too. In fact without it, life is a struggle. Let’s give these lovely children the tools to bounce back, look life right in the eye and say ‘I can do this. I can handle anything.’
There are lots of ways Smiley Coaching can support your child’s emotional well being. Make yourself at home here and check out the podcast, the Online Learning Den and some fabulous freebies.
I hope to get to meet you very soon.