Recently I was collating some questionnaires for my Boundaries Master Class, it dawned on me. One of those big face plant moments where you think: ‘Doh! Why didn’t I think of that?’ The numbers were low for the class because of course, you already know how to set boundaries but what you struggle with is upholding them.
And here’s the missing link:
You all have strong-willed sensitive children.
You can show them my drawing and see if they can connect to it. Maybe they’d like to draw a picture of their own. It’s a beautiful way to express yourself.
This is what brings you to this website and to follow me on social media. This is the temperament of the child I coach. This was me growing up! This is a big part of who I am now. I call these children wild hearts.
I don’t like labels
As a general rule, labels tend to put children in boxes but I want to use this to create an identity for this child so that they know everything about them which they try to hide or that makes them feel weird or like they don’t belong,
This led me to do a Facebook Live where I came out of the woo woo closet and what do you know? I had the best interaction ever. So, if you didn’t see the Facebook Live and you want to watch it, pop on over to my YouTube Channel and check it out! There’s a shed load of useful videos over there which you might like to watch – some for your kids to enjoy too.
So here are the traits of a Wild Heart (strong-willed sensitive child)
Can you see yourself or your child in there?
💛They have a strong sense of justice and are easily angered if things seem unfair or out of alignment with their integrity.
💛They get very upset if people don’t believe them or let them tell their side of the story (having a voice is important to them and they will probably go onto to use that voice later on in life)
💛They value freedom and won’t be boxed in – they don’t want to conform but sometimes they struggle to find their tribe. Hence the wild.
💛They are very sensitive to their environment and can pick up on other people’s feelings. You may have heard of the term HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) or Empath.
💛They are passionate about what they believe is true and protectors of the people they love. They will often champion the underdog in their quest for fairness and equality. You’d want them on your team!
💛 They sometimes find the big wide world too harsh and are affected by the news, violent films or anything sad.
💛They enjoy alone time to recharge and will often get lost in their own little world of books or creativity- somewhere they get to use their amazing imaginations.
💛 It’s very important that they can be their true selves – they hate inauthenticity and will not pretend or cover up.
💛They have an excellent BS detector and will sniff out the truth at 10 paces. They value honesty greatly. They would rather know the truth even if it’s ugly. They often get into trouble for being a truth teller (because lots of people can’t handle the truth).
💛They value alone time and get peopled out. They appreciate duvet days and quiet time to recharge their batteries.
💛They love nature and animals and will often find other children are drawn to them because their energy is big and strong.
💛They are incredibly curious and will think and care deeply. They will ask lots of questions and be life long learners.
💛They have busy brains that work quite quickly and they tend to live in their heads more than in their bodies.
💛They are high energy and busy (sometimes mistaken for having ADD or ADHD). Read this article I found about this which is truly fascinating.
💛They often have big meltdowns out of the blue (and seemingly for no apparent reason) but this is more about picking up on their environment and really deeply feeling that.
💛They are fiercely loyal as a friend and will love you forever. They are kind and forgiving. They have high tolerance levels which means they can be taken advantage of by less kind-hearted souls but when they are done, they are done.
💛They are more brave than they realise and because they like to be independent (no Mummy let me do it!) people often don’t realise how sensitive they are.
If this is your child: Welcome!
You have found a place where somebody gets it. They can be tricky to parent if you don’t know what they need. I believe the key is to have strong boundaries which you set with empathy so you don’t compromise who they are or crush their wild spirit. You can read more about what they need in the second part of this blog post What does your strong-willed sensitive child need?
Wow thank you Lisa what a powerful 2 hours…much better than sitting on the sofa scrolling through FB or watching telly! I just loved being in that place where other mums were being honest and we were making each other feel better as we know we are not alone with this stuff and that it is okay to make mistakes as a parent “I’m only human after all”!
This morning my daughter was desperate to play with her dolls before school but as always time was against us(!) so I did lots of empathy (I thought about how frustrating it is when I run out of time doing things before school pick up and something doesn’t get done. It’s really annoying!) and just being with her and saying “urgh this is annoying” and “it’s rubbish that you can’t keep playing with the dolls” made it okay with her. I kept to my boundary, we left on time for school and we left happy. Last night made me realise every day won’t be like this and that is just life but if I can make it happen more just by being more understanding but strong with what needs to happen then that is great. Thank you!
I just loved taking time out to reflect on things. I need to let my child find their way and stop controlling certain situations. I thought I was protecting her but I am actually stopping her from growing and working out what feels right or not okay. You’re right, what is she going to do when I am not there!? She needs to practise herself so she can handle things herself. I can support her but I can’t keep fixing and rescuing her, it is exhausting for me and really unhelpful for her growing up.
It was a massive eye opener for me that when I get triggered by something my children do, it actually has very little to do with them. It wasn’t until you asked us to think about something and you asked certain questions that I realised this was the case. I feel that will make a massive difference ‘in the moment’ in future. Looking forward to trying out the scripts, thank you!Boundaries in Action Master Class Mums