You may have already read first part of this blog post I’m Not Just The Girl You Call in An Emergency or watched the video above to find out why self care is essential for Mums and how letting things slide is the road to disaster and that there are baby steps you can take to make a difference. If you are thinking ‘I don’t have time’ or any other resisting thoughts, you definitely need to go back and read the first part again.
I’ve got some top tips here for how you can create healthy habits with your family.
1) Attach a new habit to a habit you already do. I always say to the kids when they’re doing their Smiley Thought Cards, if you have the card up in front of the mirror, and say your affirmation over and over while you clean your teeth. You might say them in your head or do a card in the car on the way to school. Instead of moaning about the fact you don’t want to go to school or worrying about whether you have done your homework or not, do a Smiley Thought Card! Find a way to attach it to something you do every day. When I’m cooking my dinner I tend to have You Tube streaming on with gurus who I aspire to and motivate and coach me. I have them on in the background because listening to them, I’m marinating my brain in all the things they’re telling me so while I’m making my dinner every day now that has become a habit. I don’t have the radio on, I stream You Tube, submerging myself in that. There’s loads of videos on Facebook and loads of videos on my You Tube Channel so while you’re making your cup of tea in the morning maybe you could listen to some of the things I’m saying to remind you of creating those healthy habits with your kids. Yay!
2) Create new habits that are small and achievable. You don’t say I’m going to give up chocolate and think about the next 100 years without chocolate because that would be depressing. You just think for the next hour I’m not eating chocolate. So you break it down into little chunks and you make it achievable. When you start out this new way of connection parenting there’s a lot to remember and you’re very used to your old habits of parenting in a certain way so you will find yourself shouting, you will find yourself losing it, you will find yourself forgetting to do empathy, you will forget to connect, you will try and control behaviour, you will do all of those things but if you can just wake up in the morning. (in the Chatty Club the mums do their Morning Silence as they mentally prepare for the day) and say
- “Today I’m going to do X with my kids differently”
- “Today I’m going to do 10 minutes of special time”
- “Today I’m going to listen more”
- “Today I’m going to hold my breath and count to 10 when I can feel the anger rising in me”
- “Today I’m going to make sure I sit down and build a Lego tower with my son”.
So you just do something really small and you do it day by day and you just build on it and keep repeating it. If you train for a marathon you don’t just run 26 miles do you?! There’s daily training, you have a training schedule and you map it all out and you stick to your plan. You also have a coach like me to help keep you on track.There’s lots of ways you and your family can work with me.
3) Find your best time of day. When are you at your best? Doing something new doesn’t have to be a struggle! When are your energy levels in the right place? I’m all about energy and how things feel. It’s because I’m an emotional intelligence coach. In the mornings I am at my best! Are you a morning person? Are you a dawn bird or a night owl? Or maybe you’re good after lunch? You need to work out when energetically you’re in a really good place to carry out this new habit because your brain will naturally want to rebel and resist. You have to give yourself the chance of more success because that’s more motivating and make it easy for yourself.
We all have a belief that doing a new thing should be a struggle and it should be difficult and hard work. No, no, no, no, no! Just make it easy, just get on and do it! As long as you’re taking action, it’s small bits of action, you will achieve it. You will!
4) Be Accountable. Coaches like me keep people on track in a really nice, caring, non judgemental, supportive, friendly, smiley way. Or maybe you’ve got a buddy to keep you in check or if you’re doing it with someone else at the same time. On my coaching programmes, if you’re doing it as a family then you can all keep each other on track. This is why mums come to Chatty Club, we have activities going on all week and there’s a whole group of people in there supporting each other. We don’t beat each other up if we don’t do the activities every day and we don’t always comment or talk but we try to and I always think that’s in the forefront of your mind then for those mums. If they left Chatty Club tomorrow, I think they’ve been doing it long enough (some have been in there since the summer) they will take those habits with them. They’d have all those tools in their brain. So make yourself accountable. Say it out loud “Today I’m going to do this” and get on and do it!
5) Reward yourself. Sometimes I’ve got my eye on something and if I do well in my business I will treat myself. I am obsessed with L’Occitane soap right now. The thing is with parenting is does get really overwhelming and you can have parenting ideas from loads of people but I think it’s important to remember that your mum-tuition is normally bang on the money and you should listen to that. You should take bits from whatever you hear then bring them all together and make your own formula for being a mum!
Creating new habits isn’t as big a job as it seems
It can be broken down and you can do it in small bits and make it achievable. As you do those little bits, little things become big things and then you can see yourself succeeding and you think, ‘Wow that’s amazing!’
If you need a hand with that, sign up for Chatty Club or if you want to instil healthy habits in your children for the new year, sign up for Smiley TV where every month we are using our Super Boosting Smiley Thought Calendar to carve out a life we love and one that makes us happy from the inside out.