I doubt myself so much
So you are in good company. When I was growing up, my reality was challenged daily by somebody who couldn’t be wrong. This meant I often bent myself into a pretzel trying to please said person (who then would move the goal posts). Where I kept trying so hard, I eventually morphed into a little perfectionist. An exhausted and traumatised one where my default setting was fight, flight or freeze and a hyper vigilant awareness which would give an ace detective a run for their money. I wanted so much to get it right and to be seen in that way. To this day, the shame around my ‘wrongness’ which seeped into the core of my being is still there. This is why I want to help create positive self esteem in children who feel gorgeous from the inside out.
The voice of my self doubt is very loud and ugly
As I get older and more in tune with my feelings, I am able to stay true to myself and not get blown about by every breeze. It has taken me quite a few years to get to this point and what has helped me?
- A good therapist who has reflected back to me my true self and shone a light on all my good bits
- Understanding my negative and false beliefs about myself through journaling and therapy
- Listening to and strengthening my intuition through meditation
- Having good personal boundaries (in a nutshell: knowing what is right and not right for me)
- Having self compassion and self forgiveness and knowing that it is safe to make mistakes (I’ve even made a Smiley Thought Card which states this very important fact of life)
- Being kind and patient with myself instead of being harsh and critical (this is common for lots of perfectionists)
- Practising and prioritising good self care (and not just the pampering variety, good self care can be re-parenting yourself as explained in this article here)
- Getting to know myself and not the self I thought other people wanted / needed me to be
- Reading shed loads of super helpful books to educate myself about emotional intelligence. Have you taken my test ‘How Emotionally Intelligent is your Family?’
This week’s video (if you click on the picture at the top of the page) will:
- help you to find out what to do when you doubt yourself
- help your child when they doubt themselves and need constant reassurance.
Highlights from the video which you may be interested in
- I reveal how I discovered the person who has all the answers – handy when you self doubt (3:40)
- Children who say ‘I don’t know a lot’ aren’t connected to themselves and they think they don’t know what they want (4:07)
- Why people say ‘I don’t know’ when they do and how to deal with that (4:43)
- How Smiley recommends you tackle self doubt with this quick and easy tool (5:15)
- Your Wild Heart (strong-willed sensitive) child’s strong intuition is one of their gifts and it needs nurturing (5:48)
- Why Wild Heart children who get angry easily are showing you what is going on for them and what they need (7:14)
- How I explain intuition and why it’s important for Wild Heart Children (8:50)
- A Smiley suggestion for connecting to and strengthening your child’s intuition (9:33)
- How we never know what others are thinking and that assumptions are unhelpful (15:08)
- Different types of learning styles and how that can help you as a parent (19:06)
- What to do when your child doesn’t want to talk to you or is defiant (21:02)
- The power of allowing children to figure it out for themselves and trusting them to do it (30:00)
- What I learnt about myself and my self doubt from a recent psychic reading at the Mind Body and Soul Exhibition (33:58)
What are the magical ingredients to trusting yourself?
This is also why I developed my new online programme ‘Always Be Yourselfie’. It contains all the magical ingredients for your child to become their own best friend and have the confidence to be true to themselves. That’s so tough growing up because children want to fit in. If a child has low self esteem it is likely they will hide or change parts of who they are (the best bits which make them quirky and make them unique) to get that all important belonging. This is what humans want: that connection. To feel like we belong.
More recently, I also did a magical bedtime meditation called ‘Into the Forest’ which you can listen to here and another one where you float down the river to meet your older and wiser self. These are great for connecting in and listening to what your heart and soul really wants. I’m thinking for you as well as for your child!
All of these videos can be found on my You Tube Channel. So, if you haven’t done already, you might want to hop on over to and subscribe as you will find a heap of useful stuff for you and fun stuff for your kids.